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Horrorscope 

A horoscope so bad that it strikes fear into the heart of the reader, rendering them unable take action or make a decision on anything or to even leave the house. This is caused by a paralyzing fear that those actions or decisions may cause the predictions to come true.
After reading "There is a lot of uncertainty around financial transactions and investments right now, and the wrong decision could result in dire consequences" in his daily Horrorscope, Edward climbed back into bed, pulled the sheets over his head and remained there for the rest of the day.

Edward only had enough gas in his car to get to the gas station but was not sure if he had enough money in his account to pay for gas. His cell phone service had been cut off because his payments were in arrears, and since the only way he could be sure he had enough money (to pay for gas) would be to call the bank, he felt it best to hide in bed and hope his horoscope for tomorrow was more positive.
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Horrorscope 

An 'out of the box' description of the future of a person/situation, (generally bad) based on the obvious that isn't being seen from 'within the box'.
I didn't need to be Mystic Meg to tell you the fate that would befall Johnny when he married Jo..... it was written in his horrorscope.
Horrorscope by MissCC October 15, 2008

Horrorscope 

An adjective applied to a project where there are so many unknowns that you may as well consult the stars for an estimate or timeline
We don't know anything about this work; the requirements are really unclear but the project seems huge. It's a horrorscope project
Horrorscope by hicksandhudson September 21, 2009

horrorscope 

The name you call the min-cam they shove up your rectum to look for polyps if they forget to render you unconcious first. Also known as a keister-kam or the Silver Stallion.
I came up clean on my horrorscope exam last week...no cancer, but I did chew my tongue in half.
horrorscope by Harry Flashman June 27, 2003

horrorscope 

what might happen when comopletely believing in all the predictions.
"im sooooo frikin uninspired"

"check out your horrorscope and see whats gonna happen" "maybe youll meet your soul mate soon"

*checks hororscope*

"im gonna meet the love of my life in 3 days!!!! AND win the lottery!!!!!"

*4 days later*

"breaks up with bf and gets in car accident."
horrorscope by NiiceGuy October 18, 2008

Horrorscope 

Today a friend will call to tea
I can't quite see his face
And you may think of going abroad
Or counting calories

Tell the truth, John
When you're all alone
Don't you ever cry?
Don't you wonder why?

Tell the truth, John
When you're all alone
Don't you know it's true
In your heart of stone?

Tell the truth, John
When you're all alone
Don't you ever cry?
Don't you wonder why?
Tell the truth, John

Is someone causing problems at work?
Is money rather scarce?
A conflict could erupt at home
If you defy the stars

In the Jag, John
Balaclava on
No good looking back
Meet you round the knack
In the Jag, John
Balaclava on

Don't you know it's true
In your horrorscope?
In the Jag, John
Balaclava on
No good looking back
Meet you round the knack
In the Jag, John

Better run, John
Get the motor on
No good looking back
Meet you round the knack
Better run, John

Today romance is in the air
Except for Scorpios
July's ideal for planning a crime
If you live through June

Better run, John
Get the motor on
No good looking back
Meet you round the knack

Better run, John
Get the motor on
Don't you know it's true
In your horroscope?
You know there's nothing you can't do
It's in your horrorscope

Better run, John
Get the motor on
No good looking back
Meet you round the knack
Better run, John

Today
Today
Your new life starts
Today
Your new life starts
Today
Your new life starts
Today
Your new life starts
Horrorscope by Gothic Miscreant October 13, 2023

Horrorscope 2018 

1. Dictator Kim of North Korea will join his father and grandfather in hell.

2. President Trump won't get his Dread Wall of Mexico built.

3. President Putin will leave office rejected, ejected, and dejected.
Horrorscope 2018 for both dictators and murderers sounds good news for the world, with the defeat of ISIS and the death of some African dictators.
Horrorscope 2018 by MathPlus September 4, 2017