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ducks will fart in church 

A highly improbable event to the point of there being no realistic chance of it occuring. Similar to 'pigs might fly'
Person one - 'Albert is wants to win the election'

Person two 'Oh yeah, and I suppose the ducks will fart in church as well!'

Will toot fart 

A will toot fart is a person/thing that is willing to toot as well fart in any circumstance. A will toot fart comes in many forms, some of which being

- will toot : is willing to let one squeak out but not enough to cause concern

-will fart : is willing to let one rip, don’t be scared. Be proud

- will toot fart : the whole package, you will be left frightened yet overwhelmed with joy.

- will not toot fart : hold it till it’s to late
Eli : "will just blasted me with his poo air"
Evie : "that’s because he’s a will toot fart "
Eli: "tushie"