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emailsturbation

n. also mailsturbation, forwarditis.

The tendency of an estranged or newly-but-not-necessarily-intentionally-acquired colleague, school chum, friend or family member to send every cute, multiply-forwarded message about care bears, conspiracy theories, scandalous photos, religious views, politics, cheesy poetry, rude jokes, or people-famous-for-being-famous to you and about a hundred other 'close friends' you don't know in a note without personal explanation other than something bland like "Cute!" or "You'll like this!". Subject headings are often all caps with multiple exclamation points, prefixed with varying numbers of "Fw:" and "Re:". Often, the actual content being referred to is multiple forwarded emails deep, forcing the recipient to have to dig through other people's comments and a slew of similarly unfamiliar email addresses, along with their impersonal comments like "Oh, gross!", or "What would your mother say?", etc. Generally this happens when the sender feels he or she is not properly communicating with said friends, family, colleagues, etc., and feels compelled to at least appear to be "making the effort to communicate". This ostensibly gives the sender a modicum of relieved self-satisfaction and puts the onus to communicate back on the recipient, but in reality only further alienates the sender from all recipients and ends up not being satisfactory to anyone. If the sender does not at some point come to the realization that sending unpreambled forwards amounts to spam that doesn't even lead to self-satistfaction, it is hopeful that a true friend or valued family member will put the sender back on the path to better communication by asking them to stop the nonsense. Replying to just such a letter with a link to this particular definition might suffice in making such a friend come to his or her senses.

n. emailsturbator - someone you know who sends you useless forwarded email.

v. emailsturbate - intransitive - "to emailsturbate on" (a friend, family member, a group of people) - to forward a useless previously-forwarded email to everyone in your address book.
"He's retired, widowed, and now resorts to emailsturbation on his old school chums to fill the empty minutes of his life."

Tom: "I and about thirty people I don't know just got emailsturbated on by Joe about some alien whacko conspiracy theory."

Cho: "Dude, I feel for you... Freaking mailsturbators..."
emailsturbation by gr33nman May 13, 2009

emailishment 

the act of reading more meaning or emotion into an email than was intended by the sender.
Tom's emailishment of his boss' email asking him to go to lunch led him to think that she wanted to have sex with him.
emailishment by branain June 26, 2009

Emailsterbate 

Sending an email to oneself when a flash drive/writable disk is not readily available to hold files for transport.
I didn't have my usb drive on me so I emailsterbated with my gmail account.
Emailsterbate by DannyManCan August 20, 2010

emailitudeishness 

'E-"mAl-"tyüd-ish-'nes
Function: adjective
Etymology: electronic aptitude
1: Proficiency in the creation and/or editing of cleverly written witty emails. 2: Ability to communicate profound ideas concisely and with clarity without the constraints of appliation-based spell checking and outside the bounds of proper grammar.
"Andy's apparent lack of emailitudeishness was the reason he could not pick up on the gist of the correspondance."
emailitudeishness by vala July 24, 2008

emailested 

To be pounded with many emails at once
- Andrew just got emailested when the website crashed.
- It's ok, he's a masochist and liked it
emailested by J D H January 27, 2009

Emailitist 

A smartphone user who disdains SMS text messages in favor of email.
Since Russ got a smartphone, he's become a total emailitist. Whenever he receives a text, he only responds by email.
Emailitist by GRSkeptics March 17, 2011