Cuntsultant

One who is a consultant and also a cunt. Highly prevalent in the pharma/healthcare consulting industry.

Sarabvijay: The work we've paid this consultancy for is a pile of shit. We've literally jizzed $500k up the wall.
Jimmy G: Let's not contract with them again, especially that cuntsultant Mark - what a tool he is.

by RandyRhoads84 May 20, 2020

cuntsultant

Some one who gives irrelevant or unhelpful advice often based in their own prejudices and assumptions.

(often accuses others of being askholes for ignoring said advice)

girl: Which dress makes me look sexier the green or red?
cuntsultant: Neither; you ought to wear that shapeless black dress to hide all your wobbly bits.

I asked that cuntsultant if she had any advice on getting a girl friend and she advised me to become gay.

by KP1337 October 6, 2012

cuntsultant

A senior UK doctor who is a little too big for their boots. In the UK senior specialist doctors are Consultants. The vast majority are lovely people. But anyone who has worked in the health service long enough will have met and had to work with at least one Cuntsultant. The main advantage of this form of words is that in the spoken form it's almost indistinguishable from the proper term Consultant.

I haven't even extended its use to Management Cuntsultants but I suspect that's an even richer vein of usage.

Variants: Cuntsultancy

"Dr X is a wantankerous cuntsultant"

by pacharanero March 1, 2021

Ass. Consultant

Abbreviation for 'Associate Consultant', some bullshit job title to give younger employees a false sense of hope that their job means something. Commonly found in rural consultancies in St. Ives. Sometimes loaned out sexually to clients to secure deals.

Client: 'The proposal is pretty good, but the quote is too high'
Hobb Knob: 'Have one of my ass. consultants for the night, not the yank though, he's spoiled goods and has an arse like a grapefruit'
Client: 'Deal, we'll sign off in the morning'

by RandyRhoads84 December 25, 2016

Consultant

An unemployed white male

Dave is a consultant.

by Justin1234321 January 31, 2019

Consultant

Glorified business hooker, typically hired by a consulting whorehouse, which pimps out its consultants to clients, then proceed to fuck the consultants over until they're pleased (or until the consultants are dead), pay the whorehouse big bucks, leaving the consultant with little commission (including some hotel and airline points) and lasting trauma.

Hopeful college grad: What are some key qualities I need to have be a consultant?
Experienced consultant: Be able to handle long crippling fuckings and be okay with shortened lifespan

A: You're a consultant? What are some of the most exotic places you've traveled to for work?
B: I once traveled to bumblefuck Western Virginia for a year. The only view from my hotel was of a large mine or some sort of a blackhole where no light escaped.

by TPain Not Impressed June 22, 2014

Consultants of Swing

Specialist consultants brought in to tip the balance of vital swing stages during elections.

The Donald: We're down in the polls, bring in the consultants of swing for Florida.
Advisor: I'm on it

The Donald: Remember, no Russians. NO COLUSION.

by RandyRhoads84 May 21, 2020