A legendary cryptid believed to reside in the northern
United States. Although unconfirmed, is believed to resemble a
tall-statured Ellen DeGeneres. Supposedly docile unless firecrackers
explode while the Pootersnatch makes stool. Reported sightings include observing the Pootersnatch performing naked snow angels, and in one isolated case, begging for a trip to the hospital. According to the interviewee, the Pootersnatch did not appear to be wounded.
"Dude, why the HELL is there a
condom in my birdfeeder!?"
"Not sure
man, the Pootersnatch must have been through last
night."