Yugoslavian Kiss 

Vastly different than the French kiss, the Yugoslavian kiss offers more of an exotic, mind blowing experience. First, both people participating in this kiss get on their knees. In every household that participated in native Yugoslavian culture is a bowl of room temperature oatmeal by the front door. The dominant one takes a swig of the oatmeal and swishes it around their mouth. They then forcibly spit the oatmeal into the other ones mouth. The least dominant one eats a raw clove of garlic to solidify their disgusting nature. Then the can of sardines gets involved. Sometimes people will use anchovies, kipper, oysters, and tuna. The largest sardine is carefully chosen from the tin. The rest get thrown away as they are undesirable and useless. A man named Stephen Hawking blesses the sardine with a lugie. The two bite on each side and share it between their mouths as they kiss. The lesser dominant one must swallow the sardine whole when the kiss comes to an end. They both stand up, shake hands, and say the sacred statement of "The kiss was nice, next time bring rice, to hide in my fat rolls." As beautifully as the kiss started, they must depart now.

I witnessed a Yugoslavian Kiss at a wedding once. It was the most majestic activity I've ever seen. Long live Yugoslavia.

Yugoslavian Kiss by hellobello January 7, 2024