Touchin' Cotton is when one is using every muscle in their buttocks to hold in their
poop--yet no matter how hard they try it keeps poking out of their butthole making contact with their boxers/
white tighties/thong/granny panties etc. Touchin' Cotton is one of the causes of skid marks.
It's a highly uncomfortable feeling, which in turn causes abnormal behavior. When Touchin' Cotton people tend to speak faster in conversations, exceed
speed limits by 15-30 MPH,
sweat uncontrollably and fidget in their seats as a result of the forced tightening of their
anus.
Nearly 100% of
U.S. Americans will find themselves Touchin' Cotton during the course of their lives.
Touchin' Cotton usually occurs:
1) Around 1-3 hours after waking up
2) Before a stressful event
3) Right after a Mexican dinner
4) Right before bedtime
Generally, when one is TCin' it, they can make it to a restroom before disaster strikes. The excrement is painful, but not explosive. A Touchin Cotton
poop is generally
long, cylinder in shape, and
brown. It takes an average number of wipes to clean up. Unlike explosive
diarrhea, when one is TCin' it, they can control the poops exit for a good while; however, within an hour they MUST find a bathroom or skid marks will become the least of their worries.
"Hey dad, can you pull over at the next
McDonalds, I've been Touchin' Cotton for the past 30 minutes."
"OMG Bekah, I need to leave
class. I'm totally TCin' right now."
POLICE OFFICE: Sir, can you tell me why you were going 45 MPH in a 25 MPH residential neighborhood?
DRIVER: Sweating, Frantic Officer, I've been in traffic for the past 2 hours and I HAVE to get home and use the restroom. For God sakes, I've been Touchin' Cotton for the past hour.
