touchin' cotton 

A phrase used to describe that awkward moment when you have to dump so bad that the poop has actually exited your anus and is toucing your tighty whitey Hanes cotton underwear.

Andy: Hey Floyd, you gotta pull over. I have to take a dump.
Floyd: Can't you wait 10 more minutes!! We're almost there.
Andy: No Floyd, I can't wait!! I'm touchin' cotton!!!

touchin' cotton by Twist Weeblow August 26, 2007

Touchin' Cotton 

Touchin' Cotton is when one is using every muscle in their buttocks to hold in their poop--yet no matter how hard they try it keeps poking out of their butthole making contact with their boxers/white tighties/thong/granny panties etc. Touchin' Cotton is one of the causes of skid marks.

It's a highly uncomfortable feeling, which in turn causes abnormal behavior. When Touchin' Cotton people tend to speak faster in conversations, exceed speed limits by 15-30 MPH, sweat uncontrollably and fidget in their seats as a result of the forced tightening of their anus.

Nearly 100% of U.S. Americans will find themselves Touchin' Cotton during the course of their lives.

Touchin' Cotton usually occurs:
1) Around 1-3 hours after waking up
2) Before a stressful event
3) Right after a Mexican dinner
4) Right before bedtime

Generally, when one is TCin' it, they can make it to a restroom before disaster strikes. The excrement is painful, but not explosive. A Touchin Cotton poop is generally long, cylinder in shape, and brown. It takes an average number of wipes to clean up. Unlike explosive diarrhea, when one is TCin' it, they can control the poops exit for a good while; however, within an hour they MUST find a bathroom or skid marks will become the least of their worries.

"Hey dad, can you pull over at the next McDonalds, I've been Touchin' Cotton for the past 30 minutes."

"OMG Bekah, I need to leave class. I'm totally TCin' right now."

POLICE OFFICE: Sir, can you tell me why you were going 45 MPH in a 25 MPH residential neighborhood?
DRIVER: Sweating, Frantic Officer, I've been in traffic for the past 2 hours and I HAVE to get home and use the restroom. For God sakes, I've been Touchin' Cotton for the past hour.

Touchin' Cotton by Tim L. Allen February 17, 2008

touching cotton 

the point at which your bowel movements are so strong that the turd has actually begun exiting the anus, therefor touching the cotton in your underwear

"lets hurry up and get to the bathroom, I've gotta shit so bad its touching cotton!"

touching cotton by lauren April 25, 2004

Turtle Touching Cotton 

When one has to "go" so badly that the shit starts coming out and touches your underwear before you make it to the restroom. Can be literal or an expression that the "turtle's" head is beginning to come out.

I tried to make it to the restroom in time and yelled, "Turtle Touching Cotton"! already!

Turtle Touching Cotton by Hoody802 August 30, 2016

Touching cotton 

When you have a peanut headed eel swimming out of your skin cave & it is making you sport a chocolate chubby in the back of your underwear.

After 3 hours at the all you can eat buffet I was totally touching cotton.

Touching cotton by Doyle February 11, 2004

Touching Cotton 

When you have to have to take a dump really bad and it's already starting to come out. That's when you're "touching cotton".

Sometimes referred to as "crowning".

I've really gotta go, I'm "touching cotton".

also

I've gotta torque a moon fish bad, I'm "touching cotton".

Touching Cotton by Mental Midget November 15, 2003

Touching cotton 

You've committed a lumpy corn filled stanky loaf, and there is no turning back.

P.S.A.-If you are touching-cotton, don't sit down unless it's on the Dumper!!

"It felt like an SBD (silent but deadly) and now I'm touching cotton- Woe is me"

Touching cotton by R. Trelford March 9, 2004