The rules of Texas are a simple, yet unwavering creed held up by anybody who wishes to call themselves an inhabitant of this blessed state.
1. Always go 10 or more above the speed limit.
2. If you ever find yourself in such an unsultry place as dallas (or the “keep Austin
weird” parts of Austin) make no eye contact and keep on driving.
3. Whataburger and
Dr. Pepper are supreme. Do not question it, and most of all
don’t disagree with it.
4. Oklahoma and Texas sure do hate each other, but it’
s like a brotherly hate.
5. Both
california (I refuse to capitalize the c) and Texas sure do hate each other. This isn’t brotherly. californians, (I refuse to capitalize the c) unless escaping and seeking asylum, should be shot on sight.
6. When flying a Texas
flag, make sure to raise it to the same height as the American
flag.
7. Never forget that Texas was once it’
s own country.
8. Texas is the only place more American than America.
9. Every Texan has the God-given right and ability to shoot a gun.
10.
Don’t mess with Texas.
Failure to recognize and comply with these rules will result in severe consequences and punishment, included but not limited to: revoking of your Whataburger privileges, revoking of your Dr. Pepper privileges, or exile to
california (I refuse to capitalize the c)
Person A: man I just visited Texas, what an awful place.
Person B: Apologize. Now. You commie piece of
shit.
Person A: why is there a massive crowd trying to
murder me?
Person B: you obviously deserve it, you
don’t follow The Rules of Texas
