Tear Jerker

To shed tears onto one's penis while masturbating, typically following rejection, failure, or general sorrow.

A: Well, the Lions lost again—better go home and cry on my dick.

B: Yeah, last week I had a nice tear jerker set to Jewel's "Foolish Games".

by hologrammar June 6, 2011

Tear Jerker

To masturbate furiously while crying about your inability to get laid or the fact that you are just a pussy in general.

Fred struck out with all the skanks at the bar, so he went home to give himself a tear jerker.

by DWright March 30, 2007

Tear Jerker

When you have sex with a girl with a glass eye and when you are about to blow your load you take her glass eye out ejaculate in her eye socket and put the eye back in so the glass eye forces out a tear of jizz

Man: I'm so good baby I'll make cry

Glass eyed woman: Okay but you have to clean my eye after the Tear Jerker. I hate cleaning jizz off my glass eye.

by Shogun of Skanks October 29, 2010

Tear jerker

Tear jerking is to masterbate while crying and using the tears as lube.

"Listen bitch, You are a cheating, lying, cum gargling swamp whore, so go home, cry your eyes out and use your tears to grease up your gristle knot while you masterbate yourself to sleep, It'll be a real tear jerker."

by Robby Martin December 6, 2006

Tear Jerker

A man who, while under the influence of alcohol or other mind-altering substances, masturbates and uses his tears as lubricant. A tear jerker may also be defined as a date or encounter with a woman which results in the afore mentioned definition.

This idea is referenced, but not directly named, in the popular film, "Waiting...".

A dialogue from the movie, "Waiting...".
--------------------
Dean: Calvin, what happens with every girl you're interested in? Nothing! You take them out, you pay for everything - you never make a move!

Monty: And then you go home... alone... to masturbate... while you cry... using your own tears as lubricant.

Calvin: Ok that was once... and I was drunk... and it was Valentine's Day.
--------------------
Calvin is a total tear jerker.

by Joey X September 16, 2008

tear jerker

a sad porno

Friend A: "I saw this porno the other day where Jenna Jameson dies in the end"

Friend B: "It must have been a real tear jerker"

by johnniewalker2284 June 9, 2011

Tear Jerker

Someone who saves their own tears for the sole purpose of using them as lubrication for masturbation. (Not to be confused with someone who weeps while masturbating)

I've been saving my liquid misery in a jar for the past two months, just so I could have a Tear Jerker.

by dcb1984 July 22, 2010