Strategic Cunckery is a witchy pyramid scheme that hides a pay-to-play mystical empire behind intellectual posturing, social maneuvering, and a carefully curated online persona—all in the name of Hekate (and anything else that sells).
Strategic Cunckery paypigs usually don’t realize they’ve been cuncked until they’re five courses and a few audio files deep.
A Strategic Cunckster doesn’t just sell magic—they sell the illusion of elite knowledge, where each expensive lesson only unlocks the need for another. The greatest spell in their grimoire? The infinite upsell.
A master of Strategic Cunckery:
Slaps a price tag on goddesses, saints, and bodhisattvas like they're limited edition merch.
Turns Dharma into a Venmo invoice and Hekate into a Patreon tier.
Cranks out “thought leadership” essays to look wise while dodging real questions like Neo in The Matrix.
Packages their teachings in an infinite-tier system—there’s always another level you need to pay for.
Managing Strategic Cunckery means abandoning all pretense of teaching and ghosting students to scream about the rise of populism and post tarot spreads and bookshelf selfies. They selectively engage with only their most rabid liberal sycophants—who act as social gatekeepers, comment-section enforcers, and PayPal-funded cheerleaders for every screed about how true sorcery means pledging loyalty to the Corporate Left’s Great Work.
Strategic Cunckery paypigs usually don’t realize they’ve been cuncked until they’re five courses and a few audio files deep.
A Strategic Cunckster doesn’t just sell magic—they sell the illusion of elite knowledge, where each expensive lesson only unlocks the need for another. The greatest spell in their grimoire? The infinite upsell.
A master of Strategic Cunckery:
Slaps a price tag on goddesses, saints, and bodhisattvas like they're limited edition merch.
Turns Dharma into a Venmo invoice and Hekate into a Patreon tier.
Cranks out “thought leadership” essays to look wise while dodging real questions like Neo in The Matrix.
Packages their teachings in an infinite-tier system—there’s always another level you need to pay for.
Managing Strategic Cunckery means abandoning all pretense of teaching and ghosting students to scream about the rise of populism and post tarot spreads and bookshelf selfies. They selectively engage with only their most rabid liberal sycophants—who act as social gatekeepers, comment-section enforcers, and PayPal-funded cheerleaders for every screed about how true sorcery means pledging loyalty to the Corporate Left’s Great Work.
"Hekate must be nearing exhaustion — for every Adeptus Cunckus wiping his ass with her name on a PayPal invoice, there’s a chorus of disillusioned, cuncked paypigs sobbing into their empty bank accounts, wondering if they just paid for divine wisdom or subsidized another tarot deck haul."
"When I asked for clarification about the course, he told me I needed to ‘unpack my reaction to his work’ before I could understand it. That’s Strategic Cunckery at its finest."
"She’s spent five years writing articles about ‘the problem with modern occultism,’ but her only real contribution has been monetizing Strategic Cunckery."
"If your teacher’s entire practice consists of name-dropping, intellectual gatekeeping, and expensive courses that lead to even more expensive courses, congratulations—you’ve been initiated into Strategic Cunckery."
"He called my criticism ‘dangerous misinformation,’ then pivoted to selling a $900 ‘Esoteric Crisis Management’ course. Strategic Cunckery is undefeated."
"When I asked for clarification about the course, he told me I needed to ‘unpack my reaction to his work’ before I could understand it. That’s Strategic Cunckery at its finest."
"She’s spent five years writing articles about ‘the problem with modern occultism,’ but her only real contribution has been monetizing Strategic Cunckery."
"If your teacher’s entire practice consists of name-dropping, intellectual gatekeeping, and expensive courses that lead to even more expensive courses, congratulations—you’ve been initiated into Strategic Cunckery."
"He called my criticism ‘dangerous misinformation,’ then pivoted to selling a $900 ‘Esoteric Crisis Management’ course. Strategic Cunckery is undefeated."
by Cunck Watch March 11, 2025