Shaftfeeding

The post-Millennial generation alternative to breastfeeding, steeped in much ongoing legal, moral, ethical, and religious controversy. It is thought to be a logical and direct outcome of the feminist movement with most of its practitioners being stay-at-home fathers of the so-called “beta-male” persuasion.” It is exactly as it sounds: using the testicles instead of the chesticles to deliver life-sustenance to the burgeoning infant, while providing a release to the parents (the obvious tension release from the father, and the release from the bondage of “trad” motherhood for the die-hard feminist.) The most beautiful symbiosis.
Studies show that shaftmilk is as nutritious as breastmilk in 100/100 of cases (see NAMBLA Journal of Medical Research, Vol. 1, $.50) and combats anxiety, depression, herpes in dogs, but does not cure dick breath. Shaftfeeding can also be accomplished through the anus or vagina, where it is also known as cockfeeding or “chasing the financial advisor’s pet tadpole.”

Currently illegal in all 50 US states, but probably legal in Trudeau’s Canada.

Bedelia: “Carthage! I need you to step up and SHAFTFEED THE TWINS. SOMEONE has to go to work, and I HAVE A GIRL BOSS JOB BEING A GIRL BOSS AND I AM A BOSS BABE AND I WEAR THE PANTS IN THIS HERE FAMILY. I ONLY HAVE BREASTS AND AM INCAPABLE OF SHAFTFEEDING. MAKE SURE DINNER IS READY WHEN I GET HOME. I LUVVVV YOUUUU MWAHHH BYEEEE!”

Carthage McFartface: (under breath) “BISSHHH…(grabs twins who are attached at the forehead)…(unzips trousers zzzZzZZZIIP!)…WITCH WON OF YOU LUKKY BISSHES GETZ 2 TAYST DADDY FURST? LATCH! LATCH WHY DONTCHAAAH AHGH UGHH UNHGGHH OHHH THAT IS SO GOOD DADDY LOVES YOU SO MUTCH UNGHHHHH…”

by Robaürt Du Maÿnnne October 15, 2025