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Nothing to do with the name, but modern English slang for a WOSP. Reputed to be a remnant belonging to a failed branch of evolution, malcolms are usually, but not exclusively, male. Having no social skills, they are inept and uncoordinated. Unconcerned with the sensitivity of others, they fail to appreciate the benefits of personal hygiene and of being honest and truthful, something that makes malcolms a liability in the workplace. In addition they are invariably sycophantic, crawling round the boss at every opportunity in the belief that this is a substitute for ability; they are untrustworthy and will not hesitate to badmouth colleagues if they see a potential advantage. Bullies by temperament and cowards by nature, malcolms will attempt to force others into doing their work but when met with resistance they run to the boss with a complaint supported by lies. Unfortunately malcolms are all too common and spread discord and unpleasantness wherever they appear. It is hoped that the British Government will authorise a malcolm cull in much the same way as they did for badgers, as a malcolm is less use than a badger's arse.
"That malcolm is attempting to browbeat Sheila again."
by AKACroatalin April 07, 2015
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What you can say if an exclamation of disgust, pain or frustration is required, but because of the company in which you find yourself a euphemism is required as you are unable to say “Fucking arsewipe, pig’s dick sucking, cunt-eyed, monkey-fucking, shit eating twat!” It can also be used as a socially acceptable way of calling someone a cunt, e.g. “You complete and utter Malcolm!” You will know exactly what it means, as will your friends it you choose to let them know but no-one else will.
The sort of person you could use the word to describe is, usually, male and one of nature’s evolutionary errors. In the workplace they are a complete waste of space their incompetence exceeded only by their self-delusion regarding their abilities and their self-aggrandising bullshit. They invariably try to claim credit for work others have done and are sycophantic to an unbelievable degree. Cowards and bullies, Malcolms are frequently found in Toxic Workplaces, but until nature redresses the balance and makes them extinct there is nothing to be done about these creatures so FIDO.
“You did what! You complete Malcolm!”
by AKACroatalin September 01, 2016
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He's like an orange m&m, Intimidating on the outside but a sweet treat on the inside. Once you get to know him you'll love him and his endless memes. Yes you'll have your up and downs, but the ups are what keep you going. He truly cares. He's not afraid of saying stuff on his mind. Downside is he uses gifs instead of emojis. I almost forgot, he'll steal your memes and trademark them without your permission. Gotta love the guy. (If you're name is Ethan please communicate at your own risk).
dAmN. Malcolm called me a moron then saved my meme. Gotta love that guy.
by Why you lookin October 12, 2017
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The opposite of a catalyst, a Malcolm will act as a retardent to any process, slowing it to the point where the rate of advancement of any task is almost immeasurably slow.
The job was running on schedule but, since we started using Malcolm, we're not even anticipating an end date anymore.
by Fles November 30, 2010
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5
Someone who is totally useless, who thinks they are far cleverer than they really are and a nasty peice of work as well. They are prone to blaming other people for their failings, they lie with a straight face, but the lies are so outrageous that even a small amount of questioning reveals them for what they are. They invariably crawl round the boss and are sickeningly sycophantic. Usually overweight, they have personal hygiene issues, despite which they are narcissistic to an unbelievable degree. In short a Malcolm is a liability in the workplace and should never, under any circumstances, be allowed to breed.
Malcolm's made another king-sized fuck-up, he really does live up to his name.
by Croatalin December 20, 2013
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6
The most annoying kid you will ever meet. He seems nice at first but then turns out to be a huge douche bag.
That kid is such a Malcolm.
by jimsmith0055 June 03, 2015
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7
The neighborhood creeper. Very funny and friendly, but sometimes a little too friendly...
Dear Lucia,

This morning I logged on to facebook, to gladly see that I have received 12 notifications. Although, I was not glad to see that approximately 8 of those notifications were from you liking my comments or posting in a group. Therefore, I have decided to comment rape you, which is probably why you are going to have like 20 notifications.

Sincerely,
Malcolm

Lucia- great

Malcolm- ok im done. how many notifications was that?

Lucia- 40. i hate you.
by mccauleycaulkin :D July 02, 2011
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