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Roger Nelson 

If I was your girlfriend, would you remember

To tell me all the things you forgot when I was your man?

Hey hey, when I was your man
If I was your best friend, would you let me

Take care of you and do all the things that only a best friend can?

Oh, only best friends can
If I was your girlfriend, would you let me dress you

I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out?

Not that you're helpless

But sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's about
If I was your one and only friend

Would you run to me if somebody hurt you even if that somebody was me, yeah

Sometimes I trip on how happy we could be, please
If I was your girlfriend

Would you let me wash your hair?

Could I make you breakfast sometime?

Well then, could we just hang out

I mean, could we go to a movie and cry together?

'Cause to me baby, that would be so fine
Baby, can I dress you

I mean, help you pick out your clothes before we go out?
Listen girl, I ain't sayin you're helpless

But sometime, sometime those are the things that bein' in love's about
Sugar, do you know what I'm saying to you this evening?
Maybe you think I'm being a little self-centered

But I, I said I want to be all of the things you are to me

Surely, surely you can see
Is it really necessary for me to go out of the room

Just because you want to undress?

We don't have to make children to make love
And we don't have to make love to have an orgasm
Your body's what I'm all about

Can I see it?

I'll show you

Why not? You can do it because I'm your friend

I'd do it for you

Of course I'd undress in front of you

And when I'm naked, what shall I do?
How can I make you see that it's cool?

Can't you just trust me?

If I was your girlfriend, you could

Oh yeah, I think so
Listen, for you naked I would dance a ballet

Would that get you off?

Tell me what will

If I was your girlfriend, would you tell me?
Would you let me see you naked then?

Would you let me give you a bath?

Would you let me tickle you so hard you'd laugh and laugh
And would you, would you let me kiss you there

You know, down there where it counts

I'll do it so good, I swear I'll drink every ounce

And then I'll hold you tight and hold you long

And together we'll stare into silence
And we'll try to imagine what it looks like

Yeah, we'll try to imagine what, what silence looks like

Yeah, we'll, we'll try to imagine what silence looks like

Yeah, we'll try

Roger Nelson
Roger Nelson by Krkič April 6, 2019
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The hypothetical man (often a sinister character who decided not to go to boot camp) that is doing your girlfriend/wife while you are on deployment overseas.
Ain't no use in goin home,
Jody's got your girl and gone.
Ain't no use in goin back,
Jody's got your Cadillac,
Ain't no use in feeling blue,
Jody's took your checkbook too.
jody by Sgt Apan March 31, 2006
Word of the Day on July 22, 2026

girl grip 

The ability girls and women have developed to hold several items at once in one hand. The skill has been developed due to the lack of pockets in women's clothing.
I thought she'd need multiple trips to carry her phone, keys, wallet, and Starbucks to her car since she needed the other hand to open the door, but she used her impressive girl grip to carry everything in one hand.
girl grip by SillyMilly33 July 31, 2023
Word of the Day on July 21, 2026

Condiment home

A term that refers to one persons household hold nothing but ingredients and condiments in the kitchen area
Person A: Hey dude you got some snacks?
Person B: Nah, i live in a fucking condiment home...
Word of the Day on July 20, 2026

bang a you-ee 

of Massachusetts orig. "to make a u-turn"
hey, we missed the bar, bang a you-ee
Word of the Day on July 19, 2026
The word 'flag' as pronounced by people with thick Belfast accents. The term is a perfect encapsulation of the disproportionate and overblown reaction to the removal of the Union Jack (as in 'de fleg') from above City Hall in Belfast. Where previously it had flown for 365 days per year, it is now flown on 17 designated days of the year - in line with many other British cities.

The event caused a portion of the Protestant community ('fleggers') to make international pricks of themselves as they proceeded to wreck the fucking place, claiming it was another erosion of a 'British' identity they perceive to have been under attack since the horrifying spectre of equality reared its head in Northern Ireland.

The word 'fleg' - and indeed 'fleggers' - fittingly describes a section of humanity unconcerned with knowledge, reality or the vagaries of the English language. Like America's tea-baggers they are ruled by instinct, fear and paranoia with a side dish of rampant bigotry and startling ignorance of the world around them.
"Wat de fuck like! The taigs got de fleg took down! Let's wreck de fuckin place! No surrender!"

"De fleg has been took down! Before ye know it there'll be a united Ireland! Attack Short Strand! God Save The Queen!"
Fleg by OnionFleg August 9, 2013
Word of the Day on July 18, 2026
To take something small, that doesn't quite qualify as a theft. Probably from the Danish "skæv" or the Dutch "scheef", both of which are pronounced similarly, meaning "askew, or not quite right'. To change an item's ownership without permission, but only something small and of little worth.
"I skeefed an apple off the neighbor's tree." "I skeefed some chips outta your bag when you looked away." "Don't skeef my chair when I go to the bathroom."
Skeef by kachinaflonk July 16, 2026
Word of the Day on July 17, 2026