Real jesus 

A dark-skinned man of Jewish, Israeli descent, in (two) lifetimes revealed himself as god's son, performed many miracles, spurned the beginning of a religion based upon his teachings and those if his father, commonly called the "almighty" or God. Also, he was crucified for his crimes against the caesar of the time's laws and wishes, as well as undermining his authoritah. Real Jesus is commonly misconceived as Jesus Christ and HIS apostles, a whiter, more bearded and thorny-headwear inclined modern interpretation of a clearly Israeli-born man. Jesus Christ, however, was more widely accepted due in no small part to the common skin tone of his followers.

God:Wait, guys, uh....my son wasn't that white...

Vatican:WHATCHU SAAAAAY????

God:No seriously, he was Israeli.

Vatican:Nuh-uh. This guy with the thorn headband is Jesus.

God:Oh, lol, no that's Jesus Christ. I'm talking about my son, Real Jesus. Get it straight.

Vatican:*with fingers crossed* okaaay, we promise we'll change it....

Real jesus by MariaSharapova December 7, 2010

real jesus tears 

Real Jesus tears is when something very truamatic has occurred and you begin to cry. The tears are not the same at just crying though. When you cry real Jesus tears you can feel the pain and suffering in your chest and stomach.

I failed my final exam, when I got the paper back I cried real Jesus tears.

real jesus tears by Just frickin peachy February 6, 2017

real men love jesus 

Christian heterosexual human males that were born male, and believes himself to be male, (so no puppets or androids) show affection towards another male who lived 2000 years ago named Jesus, who is also the one and only Son of the God of the Christian tradition. This love is one of admiration and worship, not necessarily sexual in nature.

Real men love Jesus, so I don't think that Pinocchio counts.

real men love jesus by Smrff February 3, 2008