Employer

The incompetent douche bag you are hired to slave for. This “unit” (meaning durh brain) is the most incompetent employee on the premises. Being unable to get things organised properly, spell, use a cash register, they leave the heavy work to female employees resulting in them scoring upper back strain and putting them into an emotional state of spite and distain. They enjoy blaming others for THEIR mistakes. They are the least popular person in the workplace because of their arsehole behaviour.

Employer to female employee: "Would you be able to move that lounge."

Female Employee thinks: OMG!!!!!

Employer: "Would you be able to put the umbrella up?" (Cafe style umbrella- weights a fuckin' tonne)

If you want it done, do it your fuckin' self!

by trittrott December 10, 2010

government employees

A collection of people too dumb, bald, lazy, handicapped, fat, black or old to get a job in corporate America.

The last refuge for dumb liberals.

That lady that looks like she crawled out of a barell of nuclear waste ... the one that takes three smoke breaks an hour ... she's been eating ho hos all day ... the one who speaks ebonically ... yeah, her, the fat one with tattoos on her neck ... she's one of those typical government employees

by Assex 776 September 28, 2007

employed

To work at a job somewhere to get a paycheck.

I am employed at the local shipping dock.

by Thomas Slatin February 22, 2004

Employees Remorse

The sudden feeling you get at your new job usually after your initial training is over. It is usually a feeling of dread and sadness.

Trainer: Okies yall Now dut yer trainin is a over grab yer box knives and head out to der floor.

Me: OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE

Steven: Aha I told you that Employees Remorse would hit you like a brick.

by bahremon June 19, 2009

The Employee Discount

A sexual maneuver in which a person takes his/her sexual partner to his/her place of employment, fucks him/her vigorously, then takes $50 from the cash register and leaves.

"My girlfriend and I did The Employee Discount last night! We almost got caught, but now I have 50 bucks!"

by Walkwin December 19, 2008

Former FedEx Employee

Any idiot who works for a package delivery company and leaves large boxes or expensive electronic equipement at a recipients home without getting a signature (on the doorstep or the like), then only to discover that the recipent called to complain that the delivery was never made, when in reality they kept the stuff without paying for it.. hence leaving the FedEx employee with some explaining to do.

"I ordered this new laptop from Gateway and when I got home that Former FedEx Employee left it at my door, what an idiot. I totally called the company and told them I never got it"

by Jacob Miller September 6, 2005

employee-be-good stick

The thing that everyone in lower management and up knows will get the employees motivated. Usually made of wood or copper due to cost constraints, but some have been known to not be sticks at all but rather electrical cords to deep fryers and or fans that once kept the kitchen cool but now don't work anymore.

Worker 1 "Hmm hmm standin' around collecting time....ah wait.." as the manager walks around the corner, carrying the mighty copper stick and glaring at worker 1.

Worker 2 "I love making these tacos, yessir!" as he nervously groups the tortillas, sweat falling like bullets in the lettuce bin.

Worker 1,under his breath "That stick....that damn employee-be-good stick! Making me do work...and stuff!"

by Zero-Sama November 26, 2007