Jesus
Jesus by alskdhghricne January 16, 2009
Jesus
Created man and woman with original sin. Impregnated a woman with himself so that he could be born into the world. Once alive, he killed himself as a sacrifice to his dad, who is also himself. Which also somehow saves YOU from the original sin he created you with if you accept him into your heart.
It gets much more confusing than that.
It gets much more confusing than that.
Jesus by JadeyVengeance September 5, 2009
Jesus
Jesus loves you!
jesus
The world's greatest ever conman.
Jesus was the conman every conman since has tried to be. His skills were thousands of years ahead of his time which is how he was so convincing.
His incredible cons have managed to convince over 1 billion people that he was, in fact, the son of God.
Jesus was the conman every conman since has tried to be. His skills were thousands of years ahead of his time which is how he was so convincing.
His incredible cons have managed to convince over 1 billion people that he was, in fact, the son of God.
Jesus turns water into wine. Everyone is amazed. What they didn't realise is that they were so drunk already that they didn't remember seeing him switch the barrels.
Jesus wakes the dead. Everyone is amazed. No-one saw when he slipped the guy who "died" twenty pieces of silver to fake his own death and then "awaken".
Miracles, my ass
Jesus wakes the dead. Everyone is amazed. No-one saw when he slipped the guy who "died" twenty pieces of silver to fake his own death and then "awaken".
Miracles, my ass
jesus by XLr8oR_2020 June 28, 2010
Jesus
1. Don't worry it's all good.
2. That is the best or the bomb or the greatest.
3. Calling out your shot or try in a sport that will gain points for you or your team.
2. That is the best or the bomb or the greatest.
3. Calling out your shot or try in a sport that will gain points for you or your team.
1. Yo man, It's all Jesus
2. Did you see that game, it was Jesus.
3. Shoot a basketball then call out: "Jesus" and the ball goes in for points.
2. Did you see that game, it was Jesus.
3. Shoot a basketball then call out: "Jesus" and the ball goes in for points.
Jesus
Jesus
This guy who was just trying to make a come up with his fire ass mixtape about being nice to people and not banging your neighbor's wife.
Ceasar was in studio at the time and was selling his wimpy ass mixes by the thousands, meanwhile no body listened to Jesus' mixtape and he got nailed to a tree because his poppin' beats just weren't up to par for the times.
After he died on the tree and was buried, he decided his career wasn't over and got up out of his tomb and started dropping fire beats again. But no one listened still, and he decided to just leave and go back to heaven where his mixes were appreciated.
He eventually got a fan club, but they've pretty much ruined his music for the rest of the us real fans ( S/O to my homies at Westboro Baptist for that )...
Nowadays there's this goat banging rival fan group of a DJ called Allah, who refuse to get with Jesus' beats, so they've started a clan war with the Jesus fans and it's getting fierce.
Ceasar was in studio at the time and was selling his wimpy ass mixes by the thousands, meanwhile no body listened to Jesus' mixtape and he got nailed to a tree because his poppin' beats just weren't up to par for the times.
After he died on the tree and was buried, he decided his career wasn't over and got up out of his tomb and started dropping fire beats again. But no one listened still, and he decided to just leave and go back to heaven where his mixes were appreciated.
He eventually got a fan club, but they've pretty much ruined his music for the rest of the us real fans ( S/O to my homies at Westboro Baptist for that )...
Nowadays there's this goat banging rival fan group of a DJ called Allah, who refuse to get with Jesus' beats, so they've started a clan war with the Jesus fans and it's getting fierce.
Yo! Look at Jesus dropping those fire beats!
beats mixtape goat fucker jesus fan club fire ass beats Westboro Baptist Church
beats mixtape goat fucker jesus fan club fire ass beats Westboro Baptist Church
Jesus by theonlycleanchipotlebathroom October 11, 2015