Chuck Norris is tough, but Jack Bauer is tougher. Walker Texas Ranger never had to deal with Terrorist and get things done in 24 hours….or did he? Anyway, Jack Bauer is tough, and he is the new man with the Random Facts.
1.If you wake up in the morning, it’s because Jack Bauer spared your life.
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
2.Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
3.If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.
4.Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
5.Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
6.Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
7.Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
8. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
9.If Jack says “I just want to talk to him/her” and that him/her is you… well amigo, you’re fucked.
10.Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
11.Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
12.If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.
13.When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
14.Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he’s knocked out or temporarily killed.
15.If you are still conscious, it is because Jack Bauer doesn’t want to carry you.
16.Jack Bauer has no problem following orders, unless you tell him to do something he doesn’t want to.
17.Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack fucking Bauer.
18.Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
19.As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”
20.While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.
21.Jack Bauer can watch all 4 seasons of 24 in 24 hours.
22.Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
23.Jack Bauer’s family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once.
24.Killing Jack Bauer doesn’t make him dead. It just makes him angry.
25.Everytime Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.
26.If Jack’s starring at someone and his eye twitches, assume that person has less than 15 minutes to live.
27.When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists.
Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
28.Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
29.David Spade always says ‘yes’ to Jack Bauer when he wants to redeem his credit card miles.
30.Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…
by Rich Headley July 22, 2008
Get the Jack Bauer mug.The act of slapping someone on the back or on any other part of the body, with your hand in a cupped manner, and creating an air pocket in your hand, so it creates a loud noise.
by RielBandLucas April 4, 2010
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Be formless, shapeless, like water. Now, you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put it into a bottle it becomes the bottle. You put it into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or crash. Be water my friend
by tt September 18, 2003
Get the Bruce Lee mug.by Risown January 3, 2009
Get the Marshall Bruce Mathers mug.Although he started his military career fighting for the English at the behest of his father, Robert would eventually become the first King of Scotland following the occupation of Edward I. King Robert I is most famous for his impressive victory at the Battle of Bannockburn (contrary to popular belief, nothing to do with burning his trousers or 'bannocks') in 1314.
The Scottish won Bannockburn quite decisively. Despite being outnumbered more than three to one by the better equipped English forces, the battle was won in under two days and with the Scottish forces taking minimal losses, counting only two knights among those killed. So crushed were the English by their defeat at Bannockburn that most of their forces were routed and fled in various directions, only to be killed by farmers or militia parties as they attempted to make for the border. In the end, of the 16,000 men fielded by the English roughly 11,000 were killed.
Robert the Bruce would go on to sign the Declaration of Arbroath, a letter that would be sent to the then Pope John XXII, that would seal Scotland's fate as an independent nation and was the inspiration for similar documents throughout history, including the American Declaration of Independance.
All in all, Robert the Bruce was a brilliant King, powerful warrior and all-round decent guy.That is, if you discount that whole 'fighting for the English' thing he had at the start. But, hey. Nobody's perfect!
The Scottish won Bannockburn quite decisively. Despite being outnumbered more than three to one by the better equipped English forces, the battle was won in under two days and with the Scottish forces taking minimal losses, counting only two knights among those killed. So crushed were the English by their defeat at Bannockburn that most of their forces were routed and fled in various directions, only to be killed by farmers or militia parties as they attempted to make for the border. In the end, of the 16,000 men fielded by the English roughly 11,000 were killed.
Robert the Bruce would go on to sign the Declaration of Arbroath, a letter that would be sent to the then Pope John XXII, that would seal Scotland's fate as an independent nation and was the inspiration for similar documents throughout history, including the American Declaration of Independance.
All in all, Robert the Bruce was a brilliant King, powerful warrior and all-round decent guy.That is, if you discount that whole 'fighting for the English' thing he had at the start. But, hey. Nobody's perfect!
Quite mis-portrayed in the feature film 'Braveheart' as a weasely coward, in reality Robert the Bruce was a formidable warrior and great leader of men. On the first day of Bannockburn he entered into a duel with an enemy lieutenant by the name of Henry de Bohun mounted on a small palfrey, wearing no armour and carrying only his favourite battleaxe, compared to de Bohun who was riding his warhorse, wearing full battle armour and wielding a lance. De Bohun charged at Bruce, who waited until the last second before gracefully manoeuvring the horse out of the way, standing up in his stirrups and swinging his axe at de Bohun's head with enough force to cleave his head and helmet clean in two and shatter the axe's handle. When asked later about the enormous risk the King had taken in such a bout, Bruce thought nothing of it save that he expressed remorse over breaking the handle of his favourite axe.
by TheLastKingOfScotland July 17, 2010
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Brucee Lee's without a doubt, The World's Greatest.
by Ch1nk April 28, 2005
Get the bruce lee mug.Ben Bruce is the lead guitarist and backing vocals for British band Asking Alexandria. Asking Alexandria come from York, North Yorkshire, England, UK. Ben is currently 23 and celebrates his birthday on October 31st. Asking Alexandria are currently on tour and Ben Bruce is working on a solo album. Ben also has a clothing range; Ben Bruce Clothing.
Asking Alexandria fan 1: Hey, did you hear Ben Bruce solo in not the American average?
Asking Alexandria fan 2: YES! His voice is just amazing!
Asking Alexandria fan 1: I know right!
Asking Alexandria fan 2: YES! His voice is just amazing!
Asking Alexandria fan 1: I know right!
by BitchesLoveBenBruce August 2, 2012
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