Jesus

My lord and savior.

"Jesus is my lord and savior"
"Mine too bro, thanks be to god"
"Amen"

by poopsock. March 31, 2022

God Jesus

Saying God Jesus backwards, sounds like Sausage Dog. suseJ doG.

God Jesus sure sounds like Sausage dog, when you say it backwards.

by liveforgiving May 17, 2021

Jesus

A guy from the bible who people believe died for our sins. Mainly worshipped in Christianity.

Although there are some Christians who are cool with people of color and homosexuals, Homophobic and Racist people commit hate crimes in his name. Namely *cough*republicans*cough*

Republican using Jesus to his benifit:
In the mighty name of Jesus I ban you from this store, and any other f** here!
Jesus says that the covid vaccine is a lie!
Homosexuality is a SIN! THE LORD JESUS SAID SO!

Normal Christian Respecting People:
Remember Jesus loves you honey.
Jesus is with you my dear.
Jesus take the wheel!

by MichaTheDirtyDefinitionCreator April 29, 2021

Jesus

A fictional character who is the figure head of the Christian faith. One of 4,200 religions here on planet earth. There is absolutely no historical evidence at all that he ever existed. None. Jesus didn't die on a cross as it is physically impossible to nail a human to a crucifix and that human defeat gravity. Jesus was not born without his father impregnating his mother, that is completely impossible and goes against anything science and medicine tells the human race today. Jesus and his cultists do not believe in science or medicine. Logic and common sense are also viewed as an attack on "faith" which allows his followers, especially here in the States of America, to cry and bitch about ANYONE who disagrees with their infantile bullshit. Jesus was invented so that Christians could control other humans, especially women. This is also a common thread in almost all religions which not only degrade women, it allows wars to be fought in his name killing millions of non combatants and blaming other religions for being somehow wrong. Catholics use Jesus to rape and sexually assault under age boys by the tens of thousands while their supposed conduit to "heaven" turns a blind eye to the cancer. They would rather murder women for getting an abortion than stop all of the pedophiles infesting their church. Jesus is also a grift for churches here in the States of America.

Soldier 1: Oh man, that was a close one! That almost hit me!

Soldier 2: Jesus fucking christ that was close!

Some zealot: Do you have Jesus in your heart?

Poor bastard: No it's blood. Who the fuck is Jesus?!

Joel Osteen: Jesus has a plan for you!
My asshole: Joel, go fuck yourself you goddamn Jesus grifter!!

by Asymmetric shits for trump September 28, 2022

Jesus Christ

Lord.

Jesus Christ is lord

by big_nae_nae August 11, 2023

Dirty Pirate Jesus

When a man is receiving oral, and just before he ejaculates, he pulls his member from her throat(or mouth) and nuts in her eye, similar to an Angry Pirate, but then shouts "May the Power of Christ Compel You!" And does the cross hand motions(head, genitals, left then right shoulders) and hits her with the V8 forehead palm-tap, causing her to stumble and fall backwards.

Janice thought she was about to swallow Tom's huge load, but instead found herself in a staredown with Dirty Pirate Jesus as Tom ran off maniacally giggling about "Exercising Hoe Demons"

by Captain Snackpack January 3, 2024

Jesus (the guy with the note8)

Jesus is a mexican guy who almost got banned from the tomia.ly server and he also got a samsung note 8 that has a verizon rom which gives him nightmares, also Jesus Wants to Sue Verizon

He is also very gay

Jesus (the guy with the note8) hates verizon because his phone is locked

by Arandomtechguy July 13, 2022