Asshat Monkey 

Someone who is way dumber then the regular Asshat. This person is often times mysteriously elevated to a managerial position. Although Asshat Monkeys have no clue how the real world functions they are uniquely able to gain and retain their positions by subtle asskissing and pity. Because most people are unable to ascertain how someone so stupid could survive without having an IQ of an eggplant,Asshat Monkeys are seldom removed from their position.

Dude, I could not believe the manager of our IT Dept did not know that hot air rises, he is such an Asshat Monkey.

Dude, I thought your manager would want you to be well trained, if that is the case then why didn't the Asshat Monkey, purchase the required training equipment.

Asshat Monkey by Mangy Mutt July 15, 2009

Penis Monkey

A magical monkey-like creature that sits on your pubic hair.

"Marcus says he has 7 penis monkeys."
"Well then he must have A LOT of pubic hair to hold them up"

Penis Monkey by Penismonkey2000 June 28, 2012

couch monkey 

One who does absolutely nothing in life but stay on a couch (not necessarily theirs) and surf the internet or watch tv (not necessarily their computer or their tv). Unlike porch monkeys, who are racially stereotyped, couch monkeys can be any gender, color, or sexual orientation. (There's no need for Randall to "take it back")

Derek: "Man, what does that girl Danielle do all day? She's 23, doesn't go to school, and only works 16 hours a week, if that"

Sunny: "I dunno dude, she's probably just a couch monkey"

couch monkey by Double Mase June 28, 2010

Like a Monkey Having Sex with a Basketball 

A phrase you say when somebody performs an action improperly or botches a situation.

The phrase originates from New Zealand.

Connor went to kick the rugby ball down the field but it went off the side of his foot and straight out of bounds, after which his coach muttered, "Like a monkey having sex with a basketball."

Like a Monkey Having Sex with a Basketball by RedBeard53 July 13, 2011

Anal-Dwelling Butt-Monkey 

The name Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey, with all of God's powers) gives the little monkey that he makes come out of a gang member's butt in revenge of a previous beating.

"Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy."

Anal-Dwelling Butt-Monkey by BD August 6, 2004

Left-handed monkey wrench 

A fictitious tool. A monkey wrench has no left-handed or right-handed versions. Often used as a practical joke, i.e. telling someone to find a left-handed monkey wrench for you.

"Hey, will you go find me a left-handed monkey wrench? I need to fix this pipe."

Left-handed monkey wrench by Fictitious Plumber January 30, 2012

Roid Monkey 

A person who has been using steroids for a long time and consequently has smaller testes and a short fuse. Generally on some competitive team or another, you see this type slavishly adoring the man with the biggest pecs at the local GNC store or muscle gym. Generally displays clouded thought processes, is quick to anger, and has trouble expressing himself eloquently (all known examples are male). Known to beat family members or significant others. Should be considered armed and dangerous.

"That's not a strategically shaved chimp flinging poo, that's a Roid Monkey....flinging poo."

Roid Monkey by T.R.I. February 14, 2006