Fecal Crusader

Someone who defies normality when using the bathroom (usually at a college dorm or a frat) by pooping in the wrong places, usually near the toilet.

Preferred places for a Fecal crusader:

Floor on Side of Toilet
Toilet Paper Dispenser
Shower Area
Floor Behind Toilet

Also, someone that we want to beat up SO MUCH, but always disappears before we discover his fecal carnage.

Java: Hey man, why's the door locked?

Printz: The Fecal Crusader struck again!

Dondo: Yeah, he was s----ing off the side of the f---in' toilet.

Java: Did you see anyone run?

Braaten: Nope!

Java: Wow, he goes in and out so fast he probably doesn't even wipe! If you caught the Fecal Crusader, what would you do with him?

Printz: I'd invite him to sleep with me just so I'd kill him.

by Java June 23, 2004

fecal jihad

An incident where a bowel movement, or any derivative of it such as used toilet paper, are intentionally placed anywhere but in a toilet bowl or otherwise proper disposal receptacle. This is similar to a shitting incident but shitting incidents are accidental in nature. Fecal jihaddists are also sometimes referred to turd terrorists. The most common word uttered by victims of fecal jihad is "FUCK!!"

There are several kinds of Fecal jihaddists.

1: The Roadside Bomber a.k.a. Land Miner
This skillful but sick asshole shits on the ground or floor, it can be anywhere, indoors or outdoors, even in the middle of a five-star restaurant He's like a dog. He wants you to step in it. These guys are usually passive-aggressive cowards; some though just have a sick but excellent sense of humor.

2: The Phantom Menace (or Phantom Shitter)
This guy is similar The Roadside Bomber but he's not quite as dangerous. This individual tends to shit in places where they linger, like a hallway closet or under a bed. People who upper deck are Phantom Menaces.

3: The Suicide Bomber
This is the most unholy of the bunch. This individual will defecate in his or her own pants and keep it there for everyone to bask in. Suicide Bombers often dunch themselves in public and go to places like the food court in the local mall for about two hours while smelling like a shit.

Partygoer: Dude, this party is great and all but I think you're the victim of fecal jihad.

Host: Thanks, but what do you mean by fecal jihad?

Partygoer: Someone made a poopy on your kitchen floor and a few people tracked it though the house.

Host: FUCK!!

by JEUNT January 14, 2010

Fecal filter

The degree to which a person's pants filter out his/her flatulence. The higher the fecal filter the less fart you smell.

Customer: Excuse me sir, could you tell me which of these brands of jeans has the highest fecal filter?

Salesperson: Of course. (Brand A) will give you the best protection. Wear (Brand B), however, and you might as well go commando; you can practically SEE the gas wafting out.

by pickleicious13 January 5, 2011

fecalator

A metaphysical device that functions by taking taking perfectly good situations and turning them to shit.

While fecalators have never actually been seen, such devices must exist in order to explain situations where everything seems to go to Hell.

Alphonse: "Hey, Gaston! Is the copier up?"

Gaston: "Naw. Someone must of left the fecalator on."

by H. M. Meinschaftgefullenburger September 24, 2009

Fecal Bandit

One who defecates in a public restroom in an area other than the commode and proceeds to vandalize the said restroom by smearing his feces in a way that would resemble the icing of a chocolate cake.

Principal Devaney: It seems that some of the guys are unfamiliar with the proper use of toilet paper in the men's restroom. If this "Fecal Bandit" strikes again consequences will follow.

by DM and ZB January 29, 2004

fecal

1. fecal (adj.): of, relating to, or resembling feces
2. fecal (adj.): of or relating to the 'fecus'--the deeper region of the anus, where the feces reside
3. fecal (noun): feces (short for 'fecal-matter')
4. fecal (noun): a shitty handprint (pronounced fee-kal) - this is presumably a combination of the two terms 'fecal' and 'decal'

1. "Most people believe that it is impossible to subsist on fecal matter, but this is simply not the case!"; "this chocolate bar is disturbingly fecal in appearance"
2. "Bryan can't resist stuffing a finger or two while he masturbates... He's always giving himself the ol' 'fecal-teeckle'"
3. "holy lord, Bryan, stop eating that sandwich and go wash your hands!.. You've got fecal all over them!"
4. "Hahaha, Smitty got drunk last night, filled a bucket full of his own feces, and ran around campus slapping fe-cals on every car windshield he could find"

by squiggular August 8, 2018

fecal bomb

When one defacates and urinates into a tube sock, and swings it around to give someone a very unpleasant surprise.
Mainly performed throughout penitentaries.

Inmate 67594 fecal bombed 3 guards during the riot.

by Ekoms May 28, 2008