Matt Bauer

Brother of the popular character Jack Bauer from the series 24. Assumed dead, Matt Bauer is an assasin working for "Chapter", a U.S. "black-ops" program. Matt Bauer has killed 140 men, and he enjoyed every single kill. Matt prides himself on killing his targets in varying creative ways such as: using a pizza cutter to slash victims throat, focing subject to consume an entire bottle of Dave's Insanity Hot Sauce.

Unlike Jack Bauer's classic line" Damn, there's no time!",
Matt also has a signature line:"Damn, I'm hungry."

Agent A - Sir, Matt Bauer just killed 10 innocent people inside a McDonalds because they forgot to put ketchup in his bag.

Agent B - No ketchup? Those bastards!!!

by Mr. Asshole August 24, 2006

Jack Bauer Shower

Improvising personal hygiene solutions when not having the time or means to take a real shower. For a true Jack Bauer Shower, one has to use Lysol antibacterial wipes on one's nether regions. The pain means it's working.

Dude1:"Dude, you stink like shit dipped in vinegar and your interview is in 10 minutes!!!"
Dude2: "Time for a Jack Bauer Shower!!"


Reporter: "You've been lost in the woods for 2 weeks! How did you stay so fresh?!"
Jack Bauer: "I'm Jack Bauer."

by MathKills February 10, 2009

jack bauer cream pie

When you bake a pie for the bad president you have a orgasm in his pie haha watch him eat it

I'm Jack Bauer and I'll make you eat my famous jack bauer cream pie

by dvbennett March 19, 2020

jack bauer

A mixed drink made of Red Bull and Jack Daniels. So named as it will keep you going for 24 hours.

I was at the bar and feeling kind of sluggish so I ordered a Jack Bauer to pick me up for the evening.

by MikeLI75 November 7, 2006

Jack Bauered

To suffer a major catastrophe, dilemma, or problematic person just minutes before you have to leave or your shift is over.
Named after the "hero" in the TV series 24 who suffers a cliff-hanging moment every hour, on the hour.

Dave: You were supposed to be here an hour ago!
Bob: Sorry, I was Jack Bauered - the whole network went down two minutes before my shift ended.

by Peanutgnome January 27, 2007

jack bauer

Head of field operations for CTU on fox's 24, Now special assistant to the secretary of state Heller. Two words- BAD ASS

My name is jack bauer and i am a federal agent! Now put your hands behind your fucking head!

by robrob24 January 28, 2005

Trevor Bauer

Choking out a girl with her hair then punching her in the ass till it’s bruised.

Dude I went Trevor Bauer on her ass after supper!

by Darkmedic July 3, 2021