cigarette load 

a small explosive designed for cigarette insertion (hemostat or tweezer helpful!)

-about 1/4 the thickness of a wooden matchstick, and perhaps 1/4" long. -i haven't seen them in years...they were sold in "novelty shops"! (maybe ebay??)

these things are an absolute 'laugh riot'!!!

you grab a smokers' cigs when they hit the 'bowl' etc, then put one of these about 1/4" into the cigarette. several minutes later, you hear 'POW'!! and the smoker is left with a filter in their mouth looking dumber than hell, with cig particulates all a-sunder!! -ITS' FUNNIER THAN CRAP!!

i once saw one go off in a "titty bar", the whole place exploded in laughter, -man, it was funny!!

i've seen moms get gotten, stuffy businessmen, etc! -it helps to be around! -if the smoker leaves, they'll tell a tale later about how the cig blew up when they were alone! -thats' no fun!!

we put a cigarette load in mike's cigarette, it went off when he was 'working' the jenkins babe! -man, was he pissed!!

cigarette loads are a 'grand' and beautiful thing!!

cigarette load by michael foolsley January 27, 2011

Cigarette machine 

Performing a hand job in a male who is defecating.

It is like a cigarette machine. You pull the rod and the pack falls out only this time it is a brown surprise

Cigarette machine by Juan Tolchez February 3, 2018

Cigarette Asshole 

Cigarette Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, describing to the cashier what cigarettes they choose to spend their unemployment benefits on and kill themselves with. The description is often something like “Kool 100 slim unfiltered menthols in a hard pack” hence confusing the befuddled cashier, and pissing off everyone else waiting in line. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You might as well shoot yourself or leave and try a different store. See Mustang Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.

'Why doesn't Cigarette Asshole just jump off a cliff? That way, they can speed up the whole death process and spare me the next 3 hours waiting in line."

Cigarette Asshole by mad genius December 5, 2010

cigarette tree

A marijuana plant

Bill: Hey dude, I got some baby plants off that batch of seeds I ordered from Amsterdam-- think we could hide some crop in with your parents' tomatoes?

Wayne: DUUUUDE, No effin' way! My mom would crap a brick if she found a bunch of cigarette trees in her garden!

cigarette tree by For Whom the Bell Trolls April 23, 2009

Cigarette-After-You-Eat-Cigarette

The infamous Cigarette you smoke after you get done eating a meal, or even a snack.

Ex:

Matt: Let's go have that Cigarette-After-You-Eat-Cigarette!

Preston: I'm already smoking the Cigarette after you smoke your Cigarette-After-You-Eat-Cigarette!

Cigarette-After-You-Eat-Cigarette by The Advocates August 14, 2009

cigarette's time

The time it takes to smoke a cigarette. One cigarette's time is the time it takes to smoke one cigarette. Two cigarette's time is the time it takes to smoke two cigarettes and so on.

Person 1: How long will it take until you get here?
Person 2: It shouldn't be longer than two cigarette's time.

cigarette's time by aludram July 12, 2010

Cigarette Pirate

The person at the bar or pub who never has smokes and goes around to every person in the bar requesting cigarettes until they have a nice treasure of free smokes

Look at the dirty cigarette pirate running around bar collecting his bounty

Cigarette Pirate by MustardTiger August 9, 2012