12 definitions by mad genius

Lottery Ticket Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, deciding what scratch-off lottery ticket they will waste their unemployment benefits on. They are convinced that their odds of winning improve, depending on what the scratch-off ticket looks like. Therefore they spend an incredible amount of time debating the issue, pissing off everyone else waiting in line. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will even park their fat ass in front of the line, and scratch off the very ticket which they just purchased. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You will be waiting in line forever. Sometimes, Lottery Ticket Asshole will leave the store and climb into their Mustang, hence creating the possibility of the dreaded and oh-too-common Lottery Ticket Asshole / Cigarette Asshole / Mustang Asshole combination.
I got caught beinhd Lottery Ticket Asshole today while getting gas and a soda on my way to work. I ended up having to use a sick day because I was 6 hours late.
by mad genius December 4, 2010
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Refinery Asshole is the guy that passes you on the interstate in his “dually pick ‘em up truck” doing 90 mph, because he’s on his way to his refinery job. Refinery Asshole drives like a jerk because Refinery Asshole also believes he is a NASCAR driver. Refinery Asshole believes that the refinery is incapable of operating without him. Refinery Asshole reeks of cigarettes, coffee, and refinery stink, and spends his entire day with his filthy, stinking books kicked up on his desk, bitching about how rotten his home life is, and how great he was back in high school football. Refinery Asshole’s “great-grandaddy”, “granddaddy”, and “daddy”, worked at the same refinery, and guess what ? Refinery Asshole’s son will also work there someday, carrying on the rich tradition. Refinery Asshole hopes that someday, his daughter will marry another Refinery Asshole. Refinery Asshole also believes that greasy, stinking Nomex suits qualify as “Sunday’s Best” in clothing.
Refinery Asshole passed me up this morning on my way to work. It was unbelievable...I could smell tobacco, coffee, and petroleum as he went by doing 90, cutting me off only a few cars lenghts from his exit.
by mad genius December 4, 2010
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Mustang Asshole believes that they own the road, and have the fastest car on the planet. Doesn’t matter if their car is a stripped-down version, or has thousands of dollars put into engine performance; Mustang Asshole is simply Mustang Asshole. Mustang Asshole believes any auto racing movie should be nominated for an Oscar. Mustang Asshole often overinflates the amount of horsepower they tell each other they have, because they know that in reality, they will never race their cars and prove it. They LOVE to sit at stoplights and rev the engine, even if they can only race one city block before the next stop sign or stop light. Mustang Asshole usually is wearing sunglasses (no matter day or night) and often sports a backwards baseball hat and a thin, cheesy, shit-stain moustache. Mustang Asshole’s girlfriend is very impressed with Mustang Asshole, however knows no better because it’s the only guy she’s dated since childhood. Mustang Asshole often uses their Mustang as their Facebook or MySpace profile image, in the slim hopes that some desperate female will dig the car, and overlook their pubic hair transplants on their head. See Cigarette Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.
I saw a whole heard of Mustang Assholes rubbing against each other stroking their egos. They must substitute horsepower for penis size.
by mad genius December 4, 2010
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Cigarette Asshole holds up the entire line at the convenience store, describing to the cashier what cigarettes they choose to spend their unemployment benefits on and kill themselves with. The description is often something like “Kool 100 slim unfiltered menthols in a hard pack” hence confusing the befuddled cashier, and pissing off everyone else waiting in line. God forbid you find yourself waiting behind the occasional Lottery Ticket / Cigarette Asshole combination personality. You might as well shoot yourself or leave and try a different store. See Mustang Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible asshole personality combinations.
'Why doesn't Cigarette Asshole just jump off a cliff? That way, they can speed up the whole death process and spare me the next 3 hours waiting in line."
by mad genius December 4, 2010
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Bank Drive-thru Asshole uses the drive-thru lane at the bank to conduct 20 minutes of banking that should be taken care of by walking inside. The grossly overweight Bank Drive-thru Asshole obviously can’t waddle their fat asses inside the lobby, so their only hope is that their rusted, oil-burning piece of crap car will idle long enough at the drive-thru. Bank Drive-thru Asshole often causes an unsuspecting and unfortunate victim to lose the Bank Drive-thru Lottery.

Bank Drive-thru Asshole will also not hesitate to use the Commercial Lane. Apparently, Bank Drive-thru Asshole also lacks the ability to fill out a deposit slip BEFORE their turn in line. Bank Drive-thru Asshole would be better served going to the local check cashing store to cash their monthly unemployment or welfare checks.

Bank Drive-thru Asshole's next stop is the convenience store, which usually results in the morphing into Cigartette Asshole and/or Lottery Ticket Asshole.
I got caught behind Bank Drive-thru Asshole this morning. They must have been trying to cash a forged state check which was signed by three different people. To top it off, Bank Drive-thru Asshole probably had no valid ID. Damn...they made me lose the Bank Drive-thru Lottery.
by mad genius December 7, 2010
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You enter the Bank Drive-Thru Lottery when you pull up to the drive-thru at the bank, and all the lanes are filled. You have to make the very important decision to choose which lane will get you through faster. Often times, people will sit back several car lengths from the drive thru lanes, waiting for a lane to move. These people need to grow some balls and make a decision to enter the Bank Drive-thru Lottery. The most risk involved with the Bank Drive-thru Lottery is getting stuck behind Bank Drive-thru Asshole.
Lost the Bank Drive-thru Lottery this morning. Got caught behind Bank Drive-thru Asshole, and made it thru an entire CD of songs before my turn in line came up. I also managed to get lung cancer from breathing in Bank Drive-thru Asshole's oil-burning fumes.
by mad genius December 7, 2010
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Crotch Rocket Asshole believes that they own the road (which is directly contrary to Mustang Asshole), and have the fastest bike on the planet. Crotch Rocket Asshole weaves in and out of traffic, ignoring every traffic law that every other citizen has to obey. Crotch Rocket Asshole often pops wheelies in the middle of the street, which (I guess) only impresses Crotch Rocket Asshole’s underage girlfriend.

Crotch Rocket asshole is easily identifiable. Besides the obvious bike identification, Crotch Rocket Asshole often wears a gay leather jacket and pants combo that color match their bike, and often has a gay rubber Mohawk attached on top of their helmet. In reality, Crotch Rocket Asshole would never have the balls to sport a REAL mohawk in a million years. Crappy, faded, tribal armband and/or barb wire tattoos often adorn Crotch Rocket Asshole’s arm.

Crotch Rocket Asshole often uses their bike as their Facebook or MySpace profile image, in the slim hopes that some desperate female will dig the bike, and ignore the downsides of Crotch Rocket Asshole (namely the fact that the bike is their only means of transportation).

One can only hope that Crotch Rocket Asshole gets the shit beat out of them by Harley Rider.

See Cigarette Asshole and Lottery Ticket asshole for other possible “asshole” personality combinations.
Stan: "Crotch Rocket Asshole passed me up on the road today doing 90 in a school zone while popping a wheelie"

Ted: "I bet you were driving in front of a high school, wern't you?"

Stan: "Yeah, how did you know THAT?"

Ted: "30-year old Crotch Rocket Asshole was showing off and scamming for babes."
by mad genius December 7, 2010
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