Hedging

For those that have fallen out with Banking, Hedging relates to rolling your poo up in toilet roll and putting it in a hedge where nobody will find it. You then return to pick it up before you get on a train and leave it under the chairs in first class where nobody will see it.

I've just sold my Hedging Media to Gary Lineker for a fortune for him to use against the Shat on Pitch Quantity Psychs.

by MichelleBlack314 August 15, 2023

ozempic hedge

when you date or attempt to date a high calorie individual (typically a girl) because you see the potential if they lost weight

i would lowkey hit becky
bro her bmi is room temp
ozempic hedge bro

by iridocyclitis_penjamin July 23, 2024

the hedge warbler.

an interesting sensation that you get when your at the zoo and there is an escaped animal in the toilet but you dont want to get bitten even though your nursting for a wee!

trust me man i want to, its just... i can't face the hedge warbler...

by i'm not June 3, 2007

Trimming hedges

Sticking your finger in a girls ass while rubbing her shaved area

Do you like trimming hedges? Fuck ya

by Delicious637382 August 7, 2016

hedge

Similar to edging, hedging is a masterbation technique, but has distinct differences. It involves a man hovering his hand over the tip of the penis, waving his hand side to side grazing the tip. The man then moans in certain scales (musical scales). This process is called "hedging up". Scales thats are used include, but are not limited to, C major, A minor, and D major. The hedger will keep moaning until they reach the desired octave or note, varying depending on their choice of scale, reaching the climax. They will then go down the scale as they finish off ("hedging down" or more colloquially known as "zodging"). Experienced hedgers can create melodies in their "hedge seshes".

Hedging was Timmys Expertise. He would hedge everyday for hours at a time, creating tunes and melodies.

by elitesingle November 10, 2024

Hedging

The act of rubbing ones head almost to comepletion

"I almost went over the hedge while getting the best hedging of my life last night"

by jelkinboy584 February 24, 2022

Hedge Fuck

An attempt by a hedge fund to make the fuck on an ape, when in fact the ape is the one who does the fucks.

Did you remember that time that Marvin Crapital tried to do the rapes on those smooth brains, but woke up with a sore butthole? He really hedge fucked himself on that one.

by SmoovBrain April 15, 2021