Jesus Fucking Christ 

When the church or a person are actually fucking themselves over.

Jesus fucking Christ, it's like he's fucking himself in the ass while sucking his own dick!

Jesus Fucking Christ by kariusvega May 28, 2018

Jesus Penis 

When any male has a tattoo of Jesus inscribed upon their penis in any location.

Done so that during penetration, the man can say to the woman. "Can you feel that? You have Jesus inside you."

Woman: "Oh, Jim! That feels fantastic!"
Jim: "I knew getting a Jesus Penis was a great idea. Doesn't sex always feel better when you've got Jesus inside you?"
Woman: "DAMN RIGHT IT DOES!"

Jesus Penis by RaptorJesus666 December 5, 2009

Jesus Desade 

An Internet fiend, who trawls the web for the foulest, most disturbing and unsettling material it can provide. Should be approached with caution. Has the sexual appetite of a thousand men. A thousand debauched men.

Jesus Desade parked his bicycle in another man's orifice.
Jesus Desade will fuck you up!

Jesus Desade by Disciple of Desade August 21, 2006

jesus walk 

a long journey that can only be done by walking

bloke1: "sup man I had to do a jesus walk from seven sisters to ponders end"

bloke2: "raaah thats a propa jesus walk"

jesus walk by slim keeno July 16, 2005

jesus brick-shitting christ 

An expression meant to convey extreme surprise or disgust with a situation.

Ex 1: (Realizing you've been robbed). You: Jesus brick-shitting christ, they even took the toaster!

jesus brick-shitting christ by Slick Bastard December 14, 2006

Jesus Cold 

A time when it is so cold outside that even Jesus Christ would complain about the cold.
See also: Jesus Hot, Jesus Cold, Jesus Lot, Jesus Sweet, Jesus Late, and Jesus Early

It was so Jesus Cold outside that i had to put on twenty layers of clothing and set the house on fire to keep warm.

Jesus Cold by not_michael October 11, 2004

Jesus Brace 

n. Colloquial, Possibly Australian

See also oh shit bar

Found in automobiles, but appear to serve no purpose other than
a) assisting corpulent persons and/or people to alight the vehicle
b) grabbing on to in times of a potential accident to brace oneself, i.e driver exceeding the speed limit

So called for one of two reasons
i) person grabbing the 'brace' praying to their respective deity to avoid the accident, being an english term this is most likely to be a christian, hence use of 'Jesus'
ii) person audibly exclaiming 'Jesus!'in the same situation as above

In absence of a bar, may also be referred to as a 'Jesus Strap'

Jim clutched the Jesus Brace as his brother went drifting through the mountains Initial D style

Jesus Brace by andrewfx51 April 3, 2009