Rocky Mountain High, contrary to popular belief, is not a feeling of
euphoria induced by living in
Colorado. It is actually a chemical-induced haze from massive THC exposure on the University of
Colorado campus, which is coincidentally located in Boulder,
Colorado. The methods by which Rocky Mountain High (RMH from here on to save
time) are not fully known, however there are several theories as to how this occurs. This theory suggests that a combination of a lower partial pressure of oxygen due to elevation, an enormous amount of ethanol in the area, and the unsanitary conditions brought on by university students result in higher vulnerability to the effects of THC. RMH sets in, on average, within 5 minutes of entering the city limits of Boulder. Some
PhD-wielding experts disagree with this theory. However, they are all suspected to be under the effects of RMH and so their theories will not be listed here. Another theory is that these experts are on crack.
Even though RMH has been long known to the denizens of
Colorado, it has surprisingly avoided the notice of the medical community, and is first documented in the
popular John Denver song of the same name. People stricken with this condition display a pathological love of the
beauty of the rocky mountains, including but not limited to climbing up trees to protect loggers, having multiple orgasms when seeing one of the many spectacular sunsets. The Rocky Mountains being highly addictive, all people who are living within its boundaries become instant addicts, and this sadly includes some cuddly and not-so-cuddly furry animals. Animals which are affected by this addiction
will often cease eating and die of starvation, lest they consume the blood and
meat of another creature. It is believed that RMH lead to the evolution of wolves and carnivorous rabbits. Symptoms of RMH include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, seeing fire raining in the
sky, talking to God and hearing a casual reply, sharing
beer, taking shots, and hazy vision. These symptoms, if left unchecked, can escalate to headache, stumbling, blindness, hazy vision of the victim becoming visible, unconsciousness and fraternity membership.
