Definitions by stormsworder

prince charles 

Prince Charles is a man who preeches about global warming and the environment, despite owning something like 40 cars. He rants on about animal cruelty and animal rights, despite going hunting and shooting. Then he starts wondering why no-one takes him seriously. He believes in a Britain which doesn't exist and never did exist, except in fairy-tales, in which the peasants all love their royal rulers. He has more or less finished off any remaining respect or love anybody in Britain had for the royal family.

Oh no, there's Prince Charles on the TV ranting on about something. Let's turn over to the 'Best of the Test-card'. That should be far more entertaining.

prince charles by StormSworder August 15, 2006

ids 

Quite possibly the most boring, aimless, pointless individual ever to be elected leader of any British political party. His becoming leader of the Conservatives led to there being, for the first time in history, no waxwork made of the official leader of the opposition. Apparently they agreed he was a total non-entity and couldn't be bothered to make a waxwork of him. I read somewhere a cardboard cut-out of IDS was made. It probably had more charisma than he did.

IDS - living proof the Tories are never going to be elected into power again ever.

ids by StormSworder August 15, 2006

tarantula 

Originally the name 'tarantula' was given to a species of wolf spider in Italy which was blamed for venomous spider bites which locals tried to cure by performing a dance. In fact the spider bites were inflicted by a species of widow spider. But the widow spiders are small and look insignificant, whilst wolf spiders are bigger and hairy, so the wolf spider was blamed. To this day many people judge how venomous a spider is on its size, which is completely inaccurate. Wolf spiders are harmless. These days the name 'tarantula' is used to describe any spider of the Theraphosid family. This family has something like 800 known species in Africa, Mid and South America and Asia, with many more no doubt still undiscovered. The tarantulas (or Theraphosids) are the giants of the spider world, the biggest with leg-spans which could cover a dinner plate (a Goliath Birdeater with a 12-inch leg-span I think is the record). Though some tarantulas live in trees, most are ground-dwellers and the live in burrows. They line the entrances of their burrows with silk. Though tarantulas have no senses of hearing or smell and very poor vision, they have a very developed sense of touch. The hairs on their legs can detect the slightest air or ground vibration, and the lines of silk they lay down around their burrows are almost like extentions of their legs. Any small animal touching one of those threads will instantly alert the tarantula. Tarantulas feed on anything from crickets, locusts and cockroaches to rodents, small snakes and small lizards. Despite the fact they are often known as 'bird-eating spiders' in the US, it is probably very rare for a tarantula to eat a bird, though tree-climbing tarantulas can easily help themselves to a chick when a parent bird is away from its nest. With their basic webs they are thought to be the earliest form of spider, date back over 350 million years. When threatened or annoyed, tarantulas rear up on their back legs and bare their fangs. Some can even make a hissing/rustling noise by rubbing bristles on their jaws together. Tarantulas do not eat solid food. When a tarantula feeds, it injects a digestive fluid into its prey through its fangs. The prey is then gradually liquidised and absorbed into the mouth in a similar way to water being absorbed into a sponge. Tarantulas breathe through gill-like openings in the underside of their abdomens called 'book lungs'. When tarantulas mate, the male inserts sperm from his pedipalps ('feelers') into an opening under the female's body. Female tarantulas are larger and stronger than the more spindly-looking males, can live anything up to ten or twenty years, maybe longer depending on the species. Once the male has reached full size he can't hope to live eighteen months at the most. Despite the hooks on his front legs (for holding the female's fangs) he maybe be eaten after (or even before) mating. Tarantulas shed their skins, on average once a year. They can cast off a damaged limb but re-grow it gradually, the new limb becoming bigger every time their shed their skin. The tarantula skin is an exoskeleton, made of keratin (the same material human nails are made of). Despite the fear and horror they install in so many people (who've learnt most of what they know about tarantulas from the movies) tarantulas have venom which is unable to endanger human life. In fact, there is no record of anyone being killed by a tarantula bite. Some New World species have hairs on their abdomens which they can flick off with their back legs. These can cause an itching/burning sensation if they come into contact with human skin. But let's be honest, tarantulas are probably more afraid of us than we are of them, and they are a major controller of destructive pests like cockroaches and locusts. In fact tarantulas make excellent pets. They are more likely to run away rather than attack, unless they are cornered. Tarantulas are certainly not made of rubber, as some movies would have us believe. They are just as much flesh and blood as we are.

A tarantula bite dangerous? No. Its barnet's worse than its bite.

tarantula by StormSworder August 15, 2006

hellcat 

1: A formidable woman.

2: One of the zoids (mechanical monsters released as wind-up and battery-operated toys, made in Japan). A Hellcat zoid looks like some kind of big cat, possibly a panther or cheetah. Its first UK release was in 1986. It was re-released in Japan in 1999 with a spelling mistake on its box (Helcat).

That mother of my girlfriend Alice is a right hellcat. Apparently she once bit a teacher's nose off after Alice was given a detention for not doing her homework.

hellcat by StormSworder August 14, 2006

scorpion 

Arachnids with lobster-like pincers and tails bearing stingers. Scorpions have existed for a long time (the oldest known fossils are 400 million years old, and some early scorpions were much bigger than those of today - the fossilized Brontoscorpio and Gigantoscorpio are estimated to have been a metre long each in life). Scorpions possess a pair of feather-like forms under their stomachs which they use to 'feel' the ground for vibrations which could tell of nearby predators or prey. When mating, the male scorpion grasps the female by the pincers, deposits a 'package' of sperm onto the ground and then pulls the female over it, so she can lower herself and absorb it through an opening in her body. Despite their fearsome reputation, scorpions are not all dangerous. In fact many, like the Emperor Scorpions from West Africa and Black Forest Scorpions from Asia are harmless. A way of determining as to whether a scorpion may be dangerous is to look at its pincers. Harmless scorpions like Emperors and Black Forests have large strong pincers and relatively small tails. At the other end of the scale are the dreaded Fat-tail Scorpions, which have small, slender pincers and large muscular tails which can drive their deadly stingers through shoes. Scorpions exist in tropical, desert and scrubland environments.

Emperor Scorpions, Redclaw Scorpions, Black Forest Scorpions, Egyptian Gold Scorpions - all harmless, as I can assure you since I've kept them as pets in the past.
I'd just like to mention Spike, the grandmother of my family of Emperor Scorpions (now sadly all deceased). RIP Spike.

scorpion by StormSworder August 14, 2006

crash bandicoot 

Star of many video games, Crash Bandicoot was one of the victims of the power-mad Dr Neo Cortex, who tried to cause rapid evolution in animals in order to turn them into his army of heavies. Crash, together with his sister Coco Bandicoot and their friend Crunch Bandicoot, are now dedicated to putting a spoke in every wheel of evil plotting Cortex dreams up. The best games in Crash's history, in my view, are 'Cortex Strikes Back' and 'Twinsanity'. In the latter, Crash was forced to team up with Cortex in order to foil the plans of two power-mad birds (who were former pets of Cortex).

Cortex: I'll destroy you and take over this world.

Crash Bandicoot: Uh....

Cortex: I shall be the supreme being of the universe!

Crash: Uh....

Cortex: You've a real way with words, do you know that?!

crash bandicoot by StormSworder August 13, 2006

Dr Neo Cortex 

A power-mad dwarf who is the enemy of the popular video game character Crash Bandicoot. He is bald with a black beard and an 'N' on his forehead (it's never made clear whether the 'N' is a tattoo or some kind of metal plate). When he was a child, Cortex attended the Academy of Evil where he was mercilessly bullied by the other children and by the tyrannical headmistress Madame Amberley. From an early age he developed a love of torturing and experimenting on animals. In later life he became a scientist, but was ridiculed and shunned by the scientific world for his outlandish ideas. So he enlisted the help of N.Brio, another outcast scientist, in his plan to take over the world and avenge himself against all those people who had mocked him all his life. N.Brio had built the Evolvo-Ray, a machine which could cause rapid evolution in animals. Cortex took control of it, set about turning animals into an army of soldiers. Crash Bandicoot was one of the animals he used the Evolvo-Ray on, but there was a malfunction and Crash escaped, soon became his enemy. After many defeats at the hands of Crash, his sister Coco and a mask containing the spirit of a witch-doctor, Cortex is still obsessed with ruling the world. But first he intends to destroy Crash Bandicoot....

Dr Neo Cortex: Crash, Crash, Crash. Why must you always muck in my mud? Oh look, I have a mask helping me too! We will see which one is more powerful soon enough!

Dr Neo Cortex by StormSworder August 13, 2006