schmuckaneers's definitions

fauxtique

When something is cheaply constructed, made in china 3 months ago, but is "aged" to look like a real antique. These items are easy to purchase at pier one or other mid to lower end "import" stores.

Colin: Hey did you see Dave's new place? He just got a bunch of stuff from that mall store that sells cheap imports.

Paul: I don't see why that guy thinks buying all those fauxtiques is gonna make his place look good. He has brass plated elephants for crying out loud.

Colin: I know, its horrible. It looks like the best western "safari experience" theme hotel.

by schmuckaneers June 29, 2009

frosting the mons

South florida slang term referring to the withdrawal technique during sexual intercourse. Immediately prior to ejaculation, the male withdraws and "blows his load" over the female's mons pubis, the anatomical region directly above the vagina, covered in pubic hair unless the female has recently waxed.

Most commonly encountered when sexual relations are ongoing, but early enough in the relationship that the female has not been taking her birth control pills long enough.

Jason: Hey Kenny- how are things going with you and that girl Kathy?

Kenny: Pretty good- we've been slammin for a bit now- Still frosting the mons though.

Jason: Still waiting for the pill to kick in?

Kenny: Yup- only 1 more week to go

by schmuckaneers June 23, 2009

hot-tistic

When someone completely loses all social interaction skills when around someone very hot. Similar to autistic, but only around attractive people.

Guy 1: Dude, what is up with you? You are such a social retard around hot chicks. I swear you are hot-tistic. I am not going to be your wingman ever again.

Guy 2: Sorry, I know, it sucks. They are just so hot all I can do is stare at their boobs and then I get caught looking and then I get embarrassed and then I can't be funny and then I start worrying and then it just gets worse from there.

Guy 1: Stop talking. I don't care.

by schmuckaneers October 12, 2009

lazyvator

When someone, usually fat, waits around for the elevator to go down only 1 floor, when the stairs are right there. This is called taking the lazyvator. Usually noticed by thinner people who are in a hurry, and has a negative connotation.

Raj: "I am so annoyed- I was trying to get down from the 10th floor all the way to the basement, and we had to stop 6 times cause all these people kept taking the lazyvator!"
Greg: "Were they eating cheetoes?"
Raj: "You bet they were!"

by schmuckaneers March 17, 2009

obnoxious compulsive

When someone is completely unable to stop being a pain in the ass.

Ben: I am so sick of Tracy, its always something with her. "Did you get the report done yet? Does it always have to be so cold in here? I am having work issues with Margie that you need to fix."

Tom: I really hate obnoxious compulsive people too. We should move them all to an island somewhere.

by schmuckaneers September 26, 2009

turkish bullseye

A very large and overgrown patch of pubic hair, where the margin marking the transition from peri-vaginal hair to peri-anal hair is blurred-essentially creating a continuous patch of hair from the low back to the belly-button

Lee: Hey- Sanj- you hooked up with that hot chick priti - I bet that was incredible!

Sanj: Yeah, I thought it was going to be incredible- but she has a big turkish bullseye- it looked like a camel's asshole down there

Lee: Oh shit- that sucks

by schmuckaneers June 6, 2009

moob job

When overweight men undergo breast reduction surgery.

A recent conference on plastic surgery trends revealed a 44% rise in moob jobs between 2007 and 2008 making it the fifth most popular plastic surgery for men in england.

by schmuckaneers September 19, 2009