schmuckaneers's definitions

fauxtique

When something is cheaply constructed, made in china 3 months ago, but is "aged" to look like a real antique. These items are easy to purchase at pier one or other mid to lower end "import" stores.

Colin: Hey did you see Dave's new place? He just got a bunch of stuff from that mall store that sells cheap imports.

Paul: I don't see why that guy thinks buying all those fauxtiques is gonna make his place look good. He has brass plated elephants for crying out loud.

Colin: I know, its horrible. It looks like the best western "safari experience" theme hotel.

by schmuckaneers June 29, 2009

hot-tistic

When someone completely loses all social interaction skills when around someone very hot. Similar to autistic, but only around attractive people.

Guy 1: Dude, what is up with you? You are such a social retard around hot chicks. I swear you are hot-tistic. I am not going to be your wingman ever again.

Guy 2: Sorry, I know, it sucks. They are just so hot all I can do is stare at their boobs and then I get caught looking and then I get embarrassed and then I can't be funny and then I start worrying and then it just gets worse from there.

Guy 1: Stop talking. I don't care.

by schmuckaneers October 12, 2009

turkish bullseye

A very large and overgrown patch of pubic hair, where the margin marking the transition from peri-vaginal hair to peri-anal hair is blurred-essentially creating a continuous patch of hair from the low back to the belly-button

Lee: Hey- Sanj- you hooked up with that hot chick priti - I bet that was incredible!

Sanj: Yeah, I thought it was going to be incredible- but she has a big turkish bullseye- it looked like a camel's asshole down there

Lee: Oh shit- that sucks

by schmuckaneers June 6, 2009

sibcrepancy

When there is a very large discrepancy among siblings in hotness. Usually used when one sibling is very attractive, and the other one has been beaten severely with the ugly stick.

Minnix: God damn Alisha is so hot- I think she is the hottest bartender in the whole city.

Matt: Have you met her sister Jen?

Minnix: No- but I hope I do soon, thank god there are two of them...

Matt: Not so fast- there is some serious sibcrepancy there- Jen looks like someone punched her in the mouth with a fistfull of shit.

Minnix: Oh man, that's terrible-that means you aren't guaranteed to have a good looking kid with Alisha. Her stock just plummeted. How depressing.

by schmuckaneers May 13, 2009

lazyvator

When someone, usually fat, waits around for the elevator to go down only 1 floor, when the stairs are right there. This is called taking the lazyvator. Usually noticed by thinner people who are in a hurry, and has a negative connotation.

Raj: "I am so annoyed- I was trying to get down from the 10th floor all the way to the basement, and we had to stop 6 times cause all these people kept taking the lazyvator!"
Greg: "Were they eating cheetoes?"
Raj: "You bet they were!"

by schmuckaneers March 17, 2009

after whore

1) When someone or something is so incredibly used this is the most extreme analogy you can use

2) A lifetime prostitute who is hitting her late 50s after a hard life of tobacco, alcohol and suntanning.

Those bikes they rent at that shop are so used- don’t rent them - they are worn out worse than an after whore out in Reno.

by schmuckaneers October 18, 2018

obnoxious compulsive

When someone is completely unable to stop being a pain in the ass.

Ben: I am so sick of Tracy, its always something with her. "Did you get the report done yet? Does it always have to be so cold in here? I am having work issues with Margie that you need to fix."

Tom: I really hate obnoxious compulsive people too. We should move them all to an island somewhere.

by schmuckaneers September 26, 2009