rpcgal's definitions

testicular matrophy

The slow decay of your manhood after years of matrimony.

I don't know what's wrong doctor. I never get to go out with my friends anymore or watch the game on the weekend. We’re always doing things with my wife’s friends. We joined a book group and go clothes shopping together. Hmm, sounds like a severe case of testicular matrophy to me.

by rpcgal September 4, 2013

Valet Shoes

The 5 inch heels your date wears on a night out which also means she’s not walking from the parking garage and you’re paying the valet.

When getting ready for a night out, my wife said, you know I can't walk in these, but I’ll wear the valet shoes, we’re going straight to the club and you’re paying someone to park the car.

by rpcgal February 27, 2021

Micro Mismanaged

When your boss is simultaneously micromanaging you and doing a poor job coordinating the project as a whole.

Even with two daily touch points scheduled for this project, no one could figure out what was being asked of them. I've never seen a project so micro mismanaged.

by rpcgal April 9, 2022

Off-Season Beautiful

When you’re not one of the truly beautiful people, but enough so to qualify in the off-season.

My wife and were in Portofino, the waiter seated us at a seaside table where others walking by could see us. We thought that doesn’t usually happen. Then we realized the restaurant was mostly empty and it was the off-season, so while not truly beautiful people, we do qualify as off-season beautiful.

by rpcgal November 24, 2022

Infectionery Treat

When a delicious treat gets covered with germs.

I sneezed while blowing out the candles on my birthday cake instantly turning it from a confectionary treat to an infectionery treat.

by rpcgal January 29, 2022

Abdultery

When your spouse admires someone else's abs.

Last week I accused my wife of abdultery when I caught her admiring her personal trainer's abs. My attorney said it wouldn't stand up in court.

by rpcgal January 30, 2021

#RunOnTheFrank

When a shortage of cocktail franks causes people to over-buy for the holiday season, leaving the shelves empty.

I was going to make piggies in a blanket for Christmas, then I discovered all the stores were sold out. I didn’t realize there was a #RunOnTheFrank.

by rpcgal November 24, 2022