An ancient Philosopher and possibly savior who had a pretty decent message while alive- be nice, forgive, help those less fortunate than you. Very little is known about this man's personal life because he never wrote down anything so far as we can tell, and the four friends of his who wrote stuff about him did so decades after he whipped, humiliated, stabbed, nailed to a cross shaped object, and eventually died from the agony. Had twelve close followers one of whom betrayed him, plus a whole pack of deciples including his mother and an ex-prostitute who may or may not have been his wife. Actually may have also been attempting to start a jewish rebellion against the roman imperialist dictators, though this was probablye editted out of the scritures to make Romans convert. His early followers were a pretty nice bunch cosidering that they were skinned alive, tied to poles and shot full of arrows, whipped, stoned, crucified upsidedown, and made into human cat food in the colliseum with lions. His later followers sadly were homicidal nuts and began slaughtering innocent Jews and Muslims, and occasionally each other. This started to change around the 1900's, and was almost perfectly reformed by the 1970's with Jesus Christ Superstar when sadly a group of vile liars calling themselves undamentalists distorted his image into a hate mongering fanatic, causing comunist govts. like North Korea to ban him and turning many people away from him. The fact that some of his closest followers raped altar servers and that his name was attached to Jacko's "Juice" probably pissed him off. If alive today, he'd be chillin in jamaica with stoners or playing in the NBA as Steve Nash and MLB as Johnny Damon. Oh wait, he is. And he'd shut up Creed for good.
Jesus- Do unto others as you would have them do unto your self
Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.
Crackpot Televangelist- Um, that means give me your social security money. And while you are at it, lynch a gay man or two. yeah, that's it.
by Jonzo the Weasel January 22, 2006
A deadly threat to the nation. It was sent by unknown parties to assasinate George W. Bush. The attempt was nearly successful, but a bystander was cunning enough to employ the heimlich maneuvre, foiling the conspiracy. The said pretzel is now being held in maximum security in guantanamo bay as an enemy combatant.
by jonzo the weasel July 17, 2006
A great frontman for legendary rock band Guns n' Roses. Thanks to his perfectionism and insufferable ego, he is the only member of the original band left in it. He also fucked the extremely hot Stephanie Seymour a bunch of times, though unfortunately for him his obnoxious personality messed that up too.
by Jonzo the Weasel June 04, 2006
The whipping boy of the music world for obnoxious posers who wish they had something intelligent to say.
Poser- Oh God! Is that rap you're listening to? That shit is the w-
Me- Listen, fuckwad- You go lose your virginity, then maybe we'll talk.
Me- Listen, fuckwad- You go lose your virginity, then maybe we'll talk.
by jonzo the weasel March 29, 2006
A group of fucking liars who dragged John Kerry's name through the dirt on two false accusations:
1: "John Kerry never did anything heroic in Vietnam"
Acatually, John Kerry jumped off his swiftboat during a firefight to rescue a crew member who had falled overboard. And why don't you tell me about W's heroism while AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard?
2: "John Kerry betrayed his country"
Oh yeah? Let me tell you this. Out of concern for the troops being killed in Vietnam, John Kerry joined Vietnam Vets Against the War. John Kerry saw his country making a mistake and said so. That is patriotism. The "my country right or wrong" attitude is ignorance on par with medeival peasants.
1: "John Kerry never did anything heroic in Vietnam"
Acatually, John Kerry jumped off his swiftboat during a firefight to rescue a crew member who had falled overboard. And why don't you tell me about W's heroism while AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard?
2: "John Kerry betrayed his country"
Oh yeah? Let me tell you this. Out of concern for the troops being killed in Vietnam, John Kerry joined Vietnam Vets Against the War. John Kerry saw his country making a mistake and said so. That is patriotism. The "my country right or wrong" attitude is ignorance on par with medeival peasants.
Swift Boat Veterans for Truth sent out it's slanderous ads without the authorization of Bush? Bullshit.
by Jonzo the Weasel August 15, 2006
A pop-punk singer. I personaly don't like her music, but as a fellow Canadian, I will say this much for her;
Her music, because of her voice, is unpleasant. But often closet posers and posers who are in denial will, without having heard a single bit of her songs but with the knowlege that she was on MTV, have a wonderful time blasting anyone who listens to her songs as a "sellout," "corporate," "shallow," etc. Judging someone purely on their musical likes is INCREDIBLY STUPID.
Her music, because of her voice, is unpleasant. But often closet posers and posers who are in denial will, without having heard a single bit of her songs but with the knowlege that she was on MTV, have a wonderful time blasting anyone who listens to her songs as a "sellout," "corporate," "shallow," etc. Judging someone purely on their musical likes is INCREDIBLY STUPID.
I think Avril Lavigne is almost unlistenable, but you have the right to listen to her if you want to. To all the kids out there who enjoy bashing and steryotyping her fans, you stupid motherfuckers are WAY shallower than anyone I would want to know.
by Jonzo the Weasel June 04, 2006
Where bad music rules >95% of the evening, where red carpet shows offer celebrities the opportunity to show off some of the most ridiculous clothing ever to be worn, allows celebrities to make some of the most boring speeches you will ever hear, and where axl rose and new guns n' roses, to the horror of GNR fans everywhere, butchered Welcome to the Jungle, proving that sometimes, you really should quit while you're ahead.
by jonzo the weasel September 12, 2006