Expression pronounced by someone who has just heard a joke or story of such high comic value that the listener is instantly deceased. The listener may request an urn from their friends in which to store their remains safely for posterity.
Those who prefer enterrement to cremation may alternatively request “coffin pls”.
Those who prefer enterrement to cremation may alternatively request “coffin pls”.
1: “Did you hear about Gary swimming naked in his boss’s koi pond while stoned.”
2: “Fetch me an urn please.”
2: “Fetch me an urn please.”
by daltonjfk September 30, 2019
Dime baggies of drugs your friends have had stashed away in their bottom drawer since March 2020. You can tell from the anemic plastic and dustbuster-looking powder inside that these particular drugs have not seen the sweet inside of a dollar bill since before every bar stopped accepting cash.
You may have survived a pandemic, but with these uncertain dimes back in circulation, your Friday night at Kind Regards might be more dangerous than ever before.
by daltonjfk September 24, 2021
Swiping psychotically through Tinder after dinner each night of the holidays to kill time and ensure matches.
Alone in quarantine or bored stiff on their parents' couch, young singles everywhere swipe to the end of their daily allowance, reaping a heinous daily match with a past-prime hometown hottie, or the waiter from the cafe downstairs you've never seen with his mask off. Tinder Advent Calendar matches offer all the short-lived indulgence of the advent chocolates of childhood, but with the added risk of a dick pic.
Alone in quarantine or bored stiff on their parents' couch, young singles everywhere swipe to the end of their daily allowance, reaping a heinous daily match with a past-prime hometown hottie, or the waiter from the cafe downstairs you've never seen with his mask off. Tinder Advent Calendar matches offer all the short-lived indulgence of the advent chocolates of childhood, but with the added risk of a dick pic.
Harriet's Tinder Advent Calendar currently features Abs Joe from Chem, now a year-round receptionist, and Cute Window Guy who makes ugly infographics on his Instagram.
by daltonjfk December 17, 2020
The circular imprint that develops in the skin of a wallet when a single man has carried an as-yet unused condom in it for too long.
Even after removing the contraceptive wang-sleeve (usually due to expiration rather than use), the single man's ring will usually persist for months to come. Upon close inspection, the single man's ring may occasionally be found pressed into banknotes and jeans pockets.
Even after removing the contraceptive wang-sleeve (usually due to expiration rather than use), the single man's ring will usually persist for months to come. Upon close inspection, the single man's ring may occasionally be found pressed into banknotes and jeans pockets.
Wandering the bars on Wednesday night, Pete realised the single man's ring which had developed in his wallet announced to all bartenders that he was wedded to the sadboi life.
by daltonjfk October 26, 2019
What everyone doing Dry January has secretly started by the middle of the month.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
Ah yes, Leonard and Celine back at their old charade - pushing the wine glasses away as if we didn’t know they’re in full-blown Sky High January mode and smoked three blunts before they came to dinner.
by daltonjfk January 17, 2020
1. "Why did you screenshot all those DMs you got from Lucia's ex? You trying to start beef?"
2. "Nah, I actually slid into his DMs ages ago after she dipped from the club without paying. The DMs and screenshots are part of the raise cattle phase."
2. "Nah, I actually slid into his DMs ages ago after she dipped from the club without paying. The DMs and screenshots are part of the raise cattle phase."
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
Similar to friends with benefits, a hookup that occurs routinely between two people who have no particular feelings for each other but find it convenient to hook up when they end up at the same bar or party.
Automatically connects, even when you don’t want it to.
Automatically connects, even when you don’t want it to.
Drunk and bored at the same party for the third time this month, Julia and Gareth resumed their Bluetooth hookup on Friday.
by daltonjfk September 23, 2019