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I had a sentimental moment today when my tongue finally got that film shrapnel out of my teeth and we said a last goodbye.
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
Get the Film shrapnel mug.What everyone doing Dry January has secretly started by the middle of the month.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
They may not be washing back Buds with Whiskey suds, but don’t be fooled. They’re high as balls.
Ah yes, Leonard and Celine back at their old charade - pushing the wine glasses away as if we didn’t know they’re in full-blown Sky High January mode and smoked three blunts before they came to dinner.
by daltonjfk January 17, 2020
Get the Sky high January mug.Swiping psychotically through Tinder after dinner each night of the holidays to kill time and ensure matches.
Alone in quarantine or bored stiff on their parents' couch, young singles everywhere swipe to the end of their daily allowance, reaping a heinous daily match with a past-prime hometown hottie, or the waiter from the cafe downstairs you've never seen with his mask off. Tinder Advent Calendar matches offer all the short-lived indulgence of the advent chocolates of childhood, but with the added risk of a dick pic.
Alone in quarantine or bored stiff on their parents' couch, young singles everywhere swipe to the end of their daily allowance, reaping a heinous daily match with a past-prime hometown hottie, or the waiter from the cafe downstairs you've never seen with his mask off. Tinder Advent Calendar matches offer all the short-lived indulgence of the advent chocolates of childhood, but with the added risk of a dick pic.
Harriet's Tinder Advent Calendar currently features Abs Joe from Chem, now a year-round receptionist, and Cute Window Guy who makes ugly infographics on his Instagram.
by daltonjfk December 17, 2020
Get the Tinder Advent Calendar mug.Dime baggies of drugs your friends have had stashed away in their bottom drawer since March 2020. You can tell from the anemic plastic and dustbuster-looking powder inside that these particular drugs have not seen the sweet inside of a dollar bill since before every bar stopped accepting cash.
You may have survived a pandemic, but with these uncertain dimes back in circulation, your Friday night at Kind Regards might be more dangerous than ever before.
by daltonjfk September 24, 2021
Get the These Uncertain Dimes mug.by daltonjfk September 21, 2019
Get the Wonktact mug.An honorable blessing provided to frat brothers, bankers, and members of Corporate America who have passed out at a party.
Bryan and Michael had a few too many beer bongs at the all-day BBQ and passed out in the flower bed. Fortunately, they were wearing their Patagonia vests. We pray that they rest in fleece.
by daltonjfk September 23, 2019
Get the Rest in fleece mug.Someone you wouldn't really talk to except that sitting next to them in class comes with the crucial benefit of always being able to borrow their pens.
Fuccbois and fuccgirls worldwide begin making friends with penefits around middle school, and perfect the technique in high school and college. Shy students with large, adorned pencil cases are often the targets.
Always a one-sided relationship. Taker will gnaw on pen caps the way lovers gnaw on hearts.
Fuccbois and fuccgirls worldwide begin making friends with penefits around middle school, and perfect the technique in high school and college. Shy students with large, adorned pencil cases are often the targets.
Always a one-sided relationship. Taker will gnaw on pen caps the way lovers gnaw on hearts.
From 7th grade through 11th grade, Teddy thought Alyssa and him might have a future together after sitting together in English for 6 years. However, when he started using a tablet and stylus instead of his Pilot pens, she moved to sit next to Chad and he realised they had never been anything more than friends with penefits.
by daltonjfk October 3, 2019
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