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daltonjfk's definitions

Jigsaw guzzle

Eating whatever scraps and leftovers one can find in the house after returning home from a night out. Jigsaw guzzlers are known to piece together meals of cold pasta in Tupperwares, hummus with a spoon, entire packets of sliced ham, and heels of bread from 4 different loaves.

Often leads to couch pizza the following day.
Arriving home 3 hours before her 8AM sociology class, Kendra stumbled into the kitchen and jigsaw guzzled her roommates’ cereal, popcorn, and secret stash of Cheetos before devouring Sasha’s entire block of Parmesan.
by daltonjfk October 3, 2019
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Burger & Cries

The fatty, tasty Seamless/Deliveroo meal you get for free, but only because you have to stay at the office past midnight and can expense it.

New analysts learn to salt their onion rings with their own tears and draw faces on their burger buns to pretend they still have friends. After several hours of weeping over ketchup and Excel spreadsheets, the eater of a burger & cries will often send a “u up” text to the delivery driver.
Those muffled sounds you hear of crackling pickles, crumpling paper bags, and deep, despairing sobs are the analysts in the back digging into their nightly Burger & Cries
by daltonjfk November 27, 2019
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Count Everest

an individual of such immeasurable stature that he may be mistaken for a terrestrial rock formation. Attracts enthusiasts but should be attempted only by trained professionals.
Liam: “Whoa dude, there’s a pair of legs over there at the bar all by themselves!”
Wolfrick: “Nah bro, lean your head back and you’ll see it’s really a Count Everest”
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
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Nog

What your roommate watches after quietly walking to his bedroom and locking the door. Was formerly known as pornography.
Jarod: “Mike’s been in his room a while. What do you think is going on?”
Kevin: “He’s definitely watching some nog.”
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
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Raise Cattle

1. "Why did you screenshot all those DMs you got from Lucia's ex? You trying to start beef?"
2. "Nah, I actually slid into his DMs ages ago after she dipped from the club without paying. The DMs and screenshots are part of the raise cattle phase."
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
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Snoop Logg

A blunt so fat it looks like it used to be a tree.
Darryl rolled up a Snoop Logg and we all got high as hawks.
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
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Mr. Clean's Dirty Secret

He has a foreigner cleaning his house.
His smug smile and white eyebrows give it all away - Mr. Clean's dirty secret arrives every Tuesday and Saturday and cleans his house with Shamwow.
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
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