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daltonjfk's definitions

Couch pizza

Rogue slices of pizza discovered in the cracks of a couch after a long night of drinking and/or smoking the devil’s cabbage.

Often consumed, though always in secret.
After her third slice of couch pizza, Maria realised those little pepperoni were actually pennies.”
by daltonjfk September 16, 2019
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Quarterback contact

The one person in the group who puts in the effort to organise shit, text people individually, and round up the troops.

Quarterback contacts can be found orchestrating elaborate plays on WhatsApp and iMessage groups to trick the whole squad into getting together.

Every group needs one.
William knows exactly who to say is coming to each person in the group to get them to show up. He’s the admin of 4 group chats and is always on his phone. He is his group’s Quarterback Contact.
by daltonjfk September 23, 2019
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Groupchat graveyard

The mound of forgotten, forlorn groupchats piling up at the bottom of your messages list.

Tombstones in the groupchat graveyard often read “Ibiza 2016 🔥”, “Victoria’a bdayyyy”, or, more tragically, “4ever Squad” and “Ride-or-dies”.

According to legend, some of the groupchats in the graveyard may be haunted by the people who acquired your friends’ old phone numbers.
1: “What was the name of that guy I hooked up with at Sara’s brother’s wedding?”
2: “Check the groupchat graveyard hun.”
by daltonjfk October 30, 2019
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Hindsight is 420

A phrase to console someone who regrets not bringing their weed to a get-together.
Gair: "Bruh you usually look faded by this time on a Friday, what's up?"
Mikel: "Man I thought this was gonna be a sober thing so I didn't bring my herbs, now I'm looking back wishing I had come prepared."
Gair: "Damn that's why your eyes look so clear - your hindsight is 420."
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
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Fetch me an urn

Expression pronounced by someone who has just heard a joke or story of such high comic value that the listener is instantly deceased. The listener may request an urn from their friends in which to store their remains safely for posterity.

Those who prefer enterrement to cremation may alternatively request “coffin pls”.
1: “Did you hear about Gary swimming naked in his boss’s koi pond while stoned.”
2: “Fetch me an urn please.”
by daltonjfk September 30, 2019
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Nog

What your roommate watches after quietly walking to his bedroom and locking the door. Was formerly known as pornography.
Jarod: “Mike’s been in his room a while. What do you think is going on?”
Kevin: “He’s definitely watching some nog.”
by daltonjfk August 30, 2019
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Raise Cattle

1. "Why did you screenshot all those DMs you got from Lucia's ex? You trying to start beef?"
2. "Nah, I actually slid into his DMs ages ago after she dipped from the club without paying. The DMs and screenshots are part of the raise cattle phase."
by daltonjfk December 17, 2019
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