YAWA's definitions

missionary position trip

Any of a large number of organizations that sponsor group youth trips during which pedophelia is practiced.

Hey, you gonna let yer kids go on the "our lady of great agony" outreach bus?
Umm, I think that's one of those missionary position trips where yer kids are pretty much guaranteed to get STD popped.

by YAWA May 4, 2021

thrust-o-meter

A device designed to measure maximum potential physical satisfaction for prospective sexual encounters--the approximation determined by combining pelvic thrust energy, frequency, member length, circumference and rigidity in the context of participant age and relationship duration.

*yikes!*
I'm so sorry baby, I don't care WHAT the thrust-o-meter says! just can't take somethin' THAT big...not today, not tomorrow. Ain't no way!!!

by YAWA December 1, 2018

Zoom Warrior

As a direct consequence of the COVID pandemic, the iconic trade-show driven Road Warrior salesman has been transformed into a mere digital shadow of its former presence.

You goin' to the Consumer Electronics Show, HIMSS Conference or BrewEXPO this year?
Kinda. Everything is on-line, I guess this year I'm Zoom Warrior.

by YAWA September 5, 2020

milk jug prayer

The prospect of answered prayer is generally relegated to any one of three possible responses: Affirmative (your selected mountain is now relocated), Negative (nope, negative, try again later) and perhaps (you're not quite worthy yet, hold please, etc)
Realistically, there are NO OTHER POSSIBLE responses to each and every given prayer offered to each and every god.

In prayed for rain last night.
Really? Why?
Well. We really need some rain for our crops to grow.
Mmm, I see. Well, prayed for it NOT to rain because my daughter's wedding is this weekend.
The good thing is that the whole process is fatally flawed; my milk jug prayer has the same odds as yours, sucker!

by YAWA July 21, 2022

Intentional Exposure

The decision to purposefully attempt to contract COVID-19 in order to suppress the fear and uncertainty of eventually contracting the disease.

That's it! I'm so tired of worrying about getting the virus. Fuck it, I'm gonna do an Intentional Exposure and just get it over with...gimme a kiss honey.

by YAWA July 26, 2020

Death-Count Delay

In any given pandemic with exponential spread, the period of time that exists between reported cases and the onset of increased mortality.

Like I said, the increased case counts are just because of all the great testing we're doing; there has been no increase in death reported and soon there will be zero cases. We've got this TOTALLY under control.
Ummm, Sir...seems like we should wait 2-3 weeks for the Death-Count Delay before taking that victory lap.

by YAWA July 19, 2020

COVID Part II

The consequence of using failed logic, unfounded hunches and unsubstantiated conclusions to determine when it would be 'safe' for a pandemic-stricken nation to resume customary operations.

So, let's see...
Ignore the warnings of the scientific community: check.
Disregard evidence from the experience of other countries: check
Claim victory over the disease prematurely despite evidence to the contrary: check
Down-play the very real possibility of disease resurgence based on modelling analysis: check
Distort the facts in evidence in deference to political rather than ethical motives: check
Berate, disparage and demonize any dissenting opinion, opposition or critical analysis: check
OPENING SOON: COVID Part II

by YAWA April 16, 2020