Definitions by QuacksO
slumber-hug
Where the presence of the person you're embracing feels so relaxing/reassuring that you actually doze off while you two are clasping each other.
It's a sure sign that a girl totally likes and trusts you if she falls asleep in your arms after a few minutes of canoodling, but you know that she's REALLY into you if she actually views a ten-second embrace as a slumber-hug and goes totally limp halfway through it, and so you then have to gently lay her down on a couch or bed and let her "sleep it off" for half an hour!
slumber-hug by QuacksO February 15, 2017
temptention
The urge to camp out in the woods for a comparatively short period of time ("TEMPorarily live in a TENT"); this feeling usually develops when your presence at home would be undesirable/inconvenient, such as when you're wanted by the cops, or your over-the-age-of-legal-adulthood status interferes with your family's receiving state/federal assistance. This craving to "rough it" is usually fairly easy to fulfill if the weather is reasonably mild, since all you'll need to adequately survive is a small tent and a few clothes and blankets and other basic accessories. Plus in most cases your house is not going to be watched 24/7, and so usually you can sneak back home for midnight visits a couple times a week to shower and replenish your food/toiletries before slinking back to your remote campsite, while still allowing your family members to truthfully tell the authorities, "Oh, he doesn't live here anymore" if they come asking about you during the daytime. And then, once the heat is off (such as when "they" eventually give up looking for you, or after the desired government-assistance is supplied), you can quietly return to your home, and then keep a fairly low profile till the community gradually becomes re-accustomed to your presence.
The regulations for low-income-family assistance are not written with human reality in mind, and so there's a lot of temptention for assistance-seekers to "remotely conceal" various family members while the eligibility-evaluation proceedings are being carried out.
temptention by QuacksO February 14, 2017
protoplasm pirate-phrases
"Treasure chest" and "booty", as in, the sumptuous T&A "riches" which any "curvaceously attractive" lady possesses, and which horny studs view as being infinitely more desirable/precious to them than any buccaneer's ill-gotten stash of gold or jewels. Plus a girl's "bodily valuables" can never be "spent 'n' squandered" the way monetary riches can; the blinky-eyed cutie's delectable resources remain present and undepleted no matter how much they are "savored and enjoyed". And of course, in the case of the ample "treasures" on a buxom gal's "treasure chest", the overall "volume" of her delightful "treasures" actually **increases** with "regular use", since a girl's boobs grow bigger and fuller the more they're played with, especially if said "recreation" occurs while the chick is still in her more "youthful years", such as between her late teens to early thirties.
Bored history-class student: I'm not much into reading about piracy on the high seas, but I do love occasionally quoting their colorful language, especially when lightheartedly conversing with cute girls whom I befriend --- they always have the biggest giggle-fits when I joke around with them using protoplasm pirate-phrases.
protoplasm pirate-phrases by QuacksO February 13, 2017
When all else fails, get a bigger hammer
AFTER thoroughly reading the instruction manual, of course, to see if that might help you to get it to work properly without resorting to such drastic measures :D
Seasoned mechanic, talking to an elderly long-retired grease-monkey buddy on the phone: I have a '58 Ford 350 two-ton flatbed here with a frozen rear brake-drum --- I've tried WD-40, I've tried penetrating-oil, I've banged on it with a two-pound sledge, and then even a five-pound sledge, but it still refuses to budge... any ideas?
Aged grease-monkey: Yes, indeed, Son --- get an eight-pounder and really have at it.
Seasoned mechanic, in plaintive shock: But... but... I'll BREAK it if I do THAT!
Aged grease-monkey, confidently: No, you won't --- trust me --- those beefy old solid-iron brakes are made extra-tough, specifically to safely withstand the extra force of being overhauled like this. Just get up your nerve and really clobber on it!
Mechanic, hesitantly: Okaayyy... if you say so... hold the line... gets a huge sledge hammer and reluctantly but resolutely bashes the ancient brake drum, then steps back in wide-eyed surprise when the ponderous hammer just harmlessly bounces off; emboldened, he rears back and really takes a mighty swing at the drum again, knocking the drum loose and sending it flying halfway across the shop. He picks it up and is flabbergasted to see that it is still fully intact, and with only a very minor surface-scuffing. So he lifts the phone again in pleased bewilderment Wow --- you were right... it came off with just two whacks, and I didn't damage it at all!
Aged mechanic: See? Tolja it would be okay... when all else fails, get a bigger hammer!
Aged grease-monkey: Yes, indeed, Son --- get an eight-pounder and really have at it.
Seasoned mechanic, in plaintive shock: But... but... I'll BREAK it if I do THAT!
Aged grease-monkey, confidently: No, you won't --- trust me --- those beefy old solid-iron brakes are made extra-tough, specifically to safely withstand the extra force of being overhauled like this. Just get up your nerve and really clobber on it!
Mechanic, hesitantly: Okaayyy... if you say so... hold the line... gets a huge sledge hammer and reluctantly but resolutely bashes the ancient brake drum, then steps back in wide-eyed surprise when the ponderous hammer just harmlessly bounces off; emboldened, he rears back and really takes a mighty swing at the drum again, knocking the drum loose and sending it flying halfway across the shop. He picks it up and is flabbergasted to see that it is still fully intact, and with only a very minor surface-scuffing. So he lifts the phone again in pleased bewilderment Wow --- you were right... it came off with just two whacks, and I didn't damage it at all!
Aged mechanic: See? Tolja it would be okay... when all else fails, get a bigger hammer!
When all else fails, get a bigger hammer by QuacksO February 13, 2017
it's only temporary
A statement that 99.99% guarantees that a suddenly-foisted-upon-you undesirable situation/stipulation will be absolutely permanent, or at best will last for many months or even years. Alternative versions or "classic" variations include, "It's just till we get back on our feet" or "It's only till the third of next month", but we all know that things very seldom work out that way, particularly with "unmotivated" people who feel little urge to truly or actively exert themselves significantly to seek employment or otherwise improve their situation on their own, especially since they have you as a "crutch" to fulfill their basic daily-living needs for the time being.
Disgruntled middle-aged parent My teenage daughter assured me that, "It's only temporary" when she asked me to let her deadbeat boyfriend move in with us so that he'd have a place to live while he was "between jobs", but that was six months ago, and he's generally done nuthin' but munch potato chips and sit in front of the computer or TV all day and half the night!
it's only temporary by QuacksO February 10, 2017
Help me to help you
A totally threadbare request/remonstration designed to merely extort excessive/unwarranted effort/labor from someone, but without said outlay's truly creating any significant improvement in the person's life or in his overall physical/mental/emotional/legal/financial/social status.
Probation officer: Now, Son, you know how much I care about you, and I have your best interests at heart. I need for you to prove to me and my supervisors that you are indeed a responsible-minded young man, though, so I want you to volunteer to work 20 hours a week at the local cattle-farm... it'll allow me to better convince the authorities to "wipe the slate clean" and restore your driving privileges.
Teenager, scowling disgustedly: Yeah, right --- you actually expect me to go and bust my ass in the hot sun shovellin' manure and diggin' fence-post holes for four hours a day, and not get a DIME for my efforts?!??? Sound to me like a classic "help me to help you" stunt just to get some free labor out of me --- no THANKS!
Teenager, scowling disgustedly: Yeah, right --- you actually expect me to go and bust my ass in the hot sun shovellin' manure and diggin' fence-post holes for four hours a day, and not get a DIME for my efforts?!??? Sound to me like a classic "help me to help you" stunt just to get some free labor out of me --- no THANKS!
Help me to help you by QuacksO February 10, 2017
sandwich-hug
A "make someone feel special" hug that's administered when there are only three people present; unlike the classic "group-hug special" (three people forming a group-hugging "triangle" around a fourth person who is the "special" one), this embrace involves having the "special" person face one of the other two people and snuggle up against him chest-to-chest, and then the third person comes up behind the "special" person and extends his arms forward on either side of the "special" person, while the first person does likewise, so that he and the third person hug each other "from a distance", and are both hugging the "special" person in the process.
Slim cutie, strolling on the beach arm-in-arm with two mushy-hearted admirers: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot --- today's my seventeenth birthday.
One of her two companions: Really? Well, then --- let's give Birthday Girl a great big ol' sandwich-hug!
Cutie, placidly closing her eyes to better savor her companions' cuddly attention: Awww... thanks, fellas --- mmmmmm... there's really nuthin' quite so comforting for a girl as havin' TWO big warm fuzzy chests snugglin' up from both directions!
Other admirer: Well, it's the least we can do for ya, Sweet Cheex --- too bad the rest of our peeps are away at the pool, or we coulda all given ya a humongous CROWD-HUG and thrown ya a nice birthday party. But at least the two of us can give ya **sandwich-snugglez**!
First admirer: Yes, and then we can all go to the diner for some pipin'-hot grilled-cheese **sandwiches**!
One of her two companions: Really? Well, then --- let's give Birthday Girl a great big ol' sandwich-hug!
Cutie, placidly closing her eyes to better savor her companions' cuddly attention: Awww... thanks, fellas --- mmmmmm... there's really nuthin' quite so comforting for a girl as havin' TWO big warm fuzzy chests snugglin' up from both directions!
Other admirer: Well, it's the least we can do for ya, Sweet Cheex --- too bad the rest of our peeps are away at the pool, or we coulda all given ya a humongous CROWD-HUG and thrown ya a nice birthday party. But at least the two of us can give ya **sandwich-snugglez**!
First admirer: Yes, and then we can all go to the diner for some pipin'-hot grilled-cheese **sandwiches**!
sandwich-hug by QuacksO February 5, 2017