Nuphagus's definitions

Hasselhuff

State of anger reached when someone mocks David Hasselhoff

I said ‘Baywatch’ should be called ‘Gaywatch’ and that Mitch Buchanan was a big, curly haired tosspot and Herman stormed off in a Hasselhuff!

by Nuphagus January 5, 2020

Crimson hubcaps

Extremely large nipples

“Mate, I reckon those big ok’ bangers are fitted with crimson hubcaps! Look at the size of the wheel nuts!“

by Nuphagus November 14, 2019

Palmed throbbery

Masterbating

His missus caught him bang to rights committing palmed throbbery in the shed! He was sentenced to a year of being the laughingstock of the boozer.

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Bum the hamster

To catch the end of your penis in the zip of your trousers.

I’ve started wearing button fly jeans now. Every time I do up a zip I seem to bum the hamster. It kills the end of my todger and hurts like heck trying to get it back out again!

by Nuphagus December 11, 2019

Seven mile itch

Itchy anus which occurs when you’re at least seven miles walk away from a toilet. Usually due to being one wipe short of a clean bum.

I had dump just before the half marathon started. The bog roll was like tracing paper! I got halfway round and got the seven mile itch! I spent the last 6 miles scratching my ring piece and the next 6 hours with my Harris in a bowl of warm water!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Milking the yellow teats

Squeezing spots, popping zits

“Mate, I bet you’re gonna be milking the yellow teats before you meet that bird tomorrow. You’ve got a face like a page from a Braille book in large print!”

by Nuphagus November 20, 2019

Muff buzzard

Sad individual who spends whole evenings in a pub or club hovering round a woman hoping for a bit of action.

Look at that creep circling around that bird trying to get his end away. What a muff buzzard!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019