Phantom phallus

The imaginary penis, a lesbian thinks with when she’s checking out women
That bird had a face like the elephant man’s ball bag! Mind you, she had massive bangers, long legs and dressed like a Trollope. Linda must’ve been thinking with her phantom phallus when she hit on that munter!
by Nuphagus January 04, 2020
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Plopportunity

The chance to have a crafty dump behind a bush when nobody is watching
I had a tortoise head! The girls were all chatting and I had bit of old tissue in my pocket, so I dived in the hedge and turned one out! It was the perfect plopportunity.
by Nuphagus February 26, 2020
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Have a poo
I’ve eaten too much. Where’s ya pan? I need to drop the wogs off at the mosque!
by Nuphagus January 04, 2020
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Jostlebot

Crappy homemade masterbating machine I.e pneumatically operated,mechanical Lego technic hand in a rubber glove.
I looked in quentin’s window the other day. He had a Henry hoover in a blonde wig and false eye lashes giving him a nosh! He said he was going home to test out his jostlebot!
by Nuphagus January 04, 2020
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Snogging the toothless clown

Cunnilingus with a woman whose pubis is unusually thick and bushy.
When we went for lunch, Cedric smiled at the waitress and he had whopping great pubes like bed springs between his teeth! I reckon he was snogging the toothless clown last night!
by Nuphagus January 05, 2020
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Cracktating

Ha ha! Look at that brown, wet patch on the bum of that fella’s strides! He must be cracktating!
by Nuphagus December 19, 2019
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Shaggy walnut

Stanley thought it would be funny to cut a hole in the wooden bowl of mixed nuts and poke his bollocks through. Auntie Beryl nearly had a cardiac arrest when she pulled out a Brazil, a couple of almonds and his shaggy walnut! He did when she took the nutcracker to it!
by Nuphagus April 12, 2020
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