The urinal countdown

The last ten seconds to make it to the toilet before you wet your pants.
Outta the way you lot! I’ve gotta get to the loo. I’m gonna pee my pants in about 5 seconds! I’m halfway through the urinal countdown!
by Nuphagus December 19, 2019
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Trampax

A dead rodent used as a makeshift tampon.
Olga came on halfway through the hen do. We had a rummage through the bins for something she could use. She used a dead rat in the end. Talk about trampax.
by Nuphagus January 05, 2020
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Have a poo
I’ve eaten too much. Where’s ya pan? I need to drop the wogs off at the mosque!
by Nuphagus January 05, 2020
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Autignorant

When somebody is so rude that you wonder if they’re autistic.
I said good morning to Clive three times this morning and even offered him a biscuit and he just grunted and took no notice. Then he got up farted and walked off. He’s autignorant!
by Nuphagus December 31, 2019
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Turd of prey

A big, fresh dog poo waiting just around a busy corner to ruin a poor, unsuspecting pedestrians day
I was out jogging in my brand new, white sneakers yesterday, turned into north street and went surfing on a massive turd of prey! I swear it was just waiting to ruin my trainers. I spent 5 hours cleaning cack out of the soles with my mum’s toothbrush!
by Nuphagus March 14, 2020
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Red zeppelin

I did that marathon in a pair of swimming shorts with a mesh lining! They were rubbing my todger for 26 miles! I had a red zeppelin when I got home!
by Nuphagus January 05, 2020
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Transitvestite

A cross dresser who drives a Ford van
“This right munter turned up on site in a white van the other day. I thought she must be health and safety or something. About half hour later she started bumping out concrete blocks with hands like shovels! Then I noticed the hairy legs and size 12 steelys! The woman was a geezer! A proper transitvestite!”
by Nuphagus November 24, 2019
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