John Heinz Kerry's definitions

Bastardised English

What the stupid, inbred, hygiene deficient, snaggle-toothed limeys speak.

I know it probably pisses you guys off that we've come farther in 250 years than you could in about 250,000, but find some country in Africa to be mad at.

It's "aloo-mi-num", not "aloo-mi-ni-um"; "jag-war", not "jag-you-are"; and "toothpaste", not "what the hell is that stuff"?

by John Heinz Kerry November 11, 2004

biggie

(1) Big, fat, greasy, bloated, 12-sandwich-eatin', gelatin-assed slob that had a bullet do what cholesterol would have done a few months later anyway.

(2) Tupac's failed body armor.

(3) Poetic justice - killed by the gansta rappers he tried to glorify with his shitty music.

Here, Biggie, have your fifth Big Mac while I go and see who is about to give us a drive-by.

by John Heinz Kerry January 18, 2005

mohawk

A hairstyle second only to the emo swoop among anal-jousting flamers.

Soon you'll realize that the pay in the tatoo parlor is not enough to support a human being, & shave that shit off.

Last night, I held on to Bob's mohawk so I could administer the perfect donkeypunch.

by John Heinz Kerry April 12, 2005

lowrider

A vehicle created by a beaner as a use for cash that should probably go to pay his huge child support debt. Usually involves taking some 1970's-era piece of shit and putting about $50,000 worth of hydraulics, custom paint, and wheels into it.

Check out Manuel's Monte Carlo - ai buey, what a cool lowrider, esay.

by John Heinz Kerry November 2, 2004

mongolian talking sickness

A disease, exclusively afflicting those of the slanty-eyed persuasion, that prevents them from using the plural form of any word.

Speaking as if there is only one of everything in the world.

The chow mein contain mushroom, onion, bean sprout, bamboo shoot, carrot, and noodle.

by John Heinz Kerry March 7, 2005

stretched lobes

Another reason to kill a random stranger - his or her desire to turn himself into a pseudo-African tribesman.

Dude, the tunneler would be cute except for those earlobes you cold jam a baseball through. Oh, and her 67 tatoos and 14 other piercings. I wonder if she works at (insert loser job here).

by John Heinz Kerry April 19, 2005

Black Year

Similar to a light year, this is the distance a black person, traveling at the typical lazy-black-person-I-have-nowhere-to-be speed, covers over the course of a year. Equal to approximately three feet.

Maybe you could be at work on time if you'd travel a little quicker than a Black Year.

by John Heinz Kerry November 10, 2005