John Heinz Kerry's definitions

turban

The best way to tell when an Arab has reached the age where he can control his bowels. He takes the diaper off his ass and sticks it on his head.

I think Aknad is wearing the new Pampers turban today.

by John Heinz Kerry April 13, 2005

1836

The "name" of Houston's newly transplanted MLS team. Officially qualifies as the stupidest, most idiotic, fucked-up name for a sports team in human history. 3 brain-damaged cavemen and a colony of ants could've come up with a better name.

The name ain't so great when it takes 30 minutes and a Texas history class to explain it.

Neal: Go . . . uh, what's the name of our team again?

Bob: It's 1836.

Neal: Oh, right. Go 1836!!!

by John Heinz Kerry January 26, 2006

stretched lobes

Another reason to kill a random stranger - his or her desire to turn himself into a pseudo-African tribesman.

Dude, the tunneler would be cute except for those earlobes you cold jam a baseball through. Oh, and her 67 tatoos and 14 other piercings. I wonder if she works at (insert loser job here).

by John Heinz Kerry April 19, 2005

kilt

A pussy cover worn by Scottish "men." Reminds men who do not wear dresses why Scotland has never been a factor in any war since about 500 b.c.

Hey sweetie, when you're done ironing your kilt, bring your ass over here and play my bagpipe.

by John Heinz Kerry August 21, 2006

biggie

(1) Big, fat, greasy, bloated, 12-sandwich-eatin', gelatin-assed slob that had a bullet do what cholesterol would have done a few months later anyway.

(2) Tupac's failed body armor.

(3) Poetic justice - killed by the gansta rappers he tried to glorify with his shitty music.

Here, Biggie, have your fifth Big Mac while I go and see who is about to give us a drive-by.

by John Heinz Kerry January 18, 2005

Bastardised English

What the stupid, inbred, hygiene deficient, snaggle-toothed limeys speak.

I know it probably pisses you guys off that we've come farther in 250 years than you could in about 250,000, but find some country in Africa to be mad at.

It's "aloo-mi-num", not "aloo-mi-ni-um"; "jag-war", not "jag-you-are"; and "toothpaste", not "what the hell is that stuff"?

by John Heinz Kerry November 11, 2004

celica

Car owned by a stupid ass who can't spell people or Celica. See urbtards.

Damn! I shoold pay moor atenshun in skool so I coold lurn to spel goodur.
Dumbass.

by John Heinz Kerry March 10, 2005