turd splinter

noun: the poop that collects under the finger nail, when the finger perforates the toilet paper during the act of wiping

adj: a descriptive word used to describe someone who's idiocy takes you by surprise and disgusts you

Ralph was disgusted by the ginormous turd splinter he got this morning.

Tiffany is such a turd splinter! She threw up in my car last night when I took her home from the party.