by L.A.D April 22, 2009
Get the The creche mug.by Alan Titch February 13, 2010
Get the Fresh from the Crèche mug.Russia says Chechnya can’t leave. Chechnya says, “Watch us”
Russia invades. This is the ‘official’ kick-off.
Russia expects it to be like crushing a beer can. It is not.
Chechen fighters, who know every alley and mountain path, make the Russian army look like blind, drunk bears.
Grozny, a city, gets turned into a moonscape by Russian bombs. (Everybody remembers the city but forgets it was full of people who couldn’t leave.)
Russia loses thousands of conscripts—poor, scared kids from the provinces. (Everybody in Moscow tries to forget this.)
Tanks roll into city streets and are turned into scrap metal by guerrillas with rockets from upstairs windows.
There are atrocities on both sides. (Everybody only remembers the ones committed by the other side.)
Boris Yeltsin, facing an election, needs to look tough. The war is his tough-guy photo op. It is not going well.
Russian mothers start showing up at the front to drag their sons home. The army hates this.
After two years of humiliation, Russia signs a peace deal in 1996. It’s basically a surrender.
Chechnya gets de facto independence. Russia acts like this was the plan all along.
The Russian army goes home, broke and broken. They try to forget the whole thing.
Chechnya is ruined. No one wins.
Five years later, Russia decides round one was just a practice run...
Russia invades. This is the ‘official’ kick-off.
Russia expects it to be like crushing a beer can. It is not.
Chechen fighters, who know every alley and mountain path, make the Russian army look like blind, drunk bears.
Grozny, a city, gets turned into a moonscape by Russian bombs. (Everybody remembers the city but forgets it was full of people who couldn’t leave.)
Russia loses thousands of conscripts—poor, scared kids from the provinces. (Everybody in Moscow tries to forget this.)
Tanks roll into city streets and are turned into scrap metal by guerrillas with rockets from upstairs windows.
There are atrocities on both sides. (Everybody only remembers the ones committed by the other side.)
Boris Yeltsin, facing an election, needs to look tough. The war is his tough-guy photo op. It is not going well.
Russian mothers start showing up at the front to drag their sons home. The army hates this.
After two years of humiliation, Russia signs a peace deal in 1996. It’s basically a surrender.
Chechnya gets de facto independence. Russia acts like this was the plan all along.
The Russian army goes home, broke and broken. They try to forget the whole thing.
Chechnya is ruined. No one wins.
Five years later, Russia decides round one was just a practice run...
"Some of the Russian conscripts in the First Chechen War in those documentaries have, like, Siberian or Uzbek accents... how does that work?"
by Czeszka January 18, 2026
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