Social Zombie
A person that is obsessed with social media and feels the constant need of having to be online. This often comes with a complete disregard to actual social beings. They often make use of Facebook, WhatsApp and twitter.
They can physically be recognized by their posture. No matter where they are or in what situation, the Social Zombie always has a smartphone in front of them and their head bent downwards looking at the screen.
At party's they can be seen sitting on the sides of the room in total silence while looking at their phones, and while driving on the street they can randomly occur out of nowhere trying to cross a road while their eyes are focused on the screen instead of the direction they are actually going. They also appear in cinemas, when the room is completely dark while the movie is playing, suddenly a bright light of a smartphone display interrupts your view.
Because they find their digital life more important than their surroundings they do not respond to complaints by sane humans. And sometimes in the midst of a conversation (sometimes they can still talk in real life), they abruptly forget anything you say and instantly put their mind at their social page. Their mind is fused with their phone.
Lastly they create an excess of unnecessary status updates.
They can physically be recognized by their posture. No matter where they are or in what situation, the Social Zombie always has a smartphone in front of them and their head bent downwards looking at the screen.
At party's they can be seen sitting on the sides of the room in total silence while looking at their phones, and while driving on the street they can randomly occur out of nowhere trying to cross a road while their eyes are focused on the screen instead of the direction they are actually going. They also appear in cinemas, when the room is completely dark while the movie is playing, suddenly a bright light of a smartphone display interrupts your view.
Because they find their digital life more important than their surroundings they do not respond to complaints by sane humans. And sometimes in the midst of a conversation (sometimes they can still talk in real life), they abruptly forget anything you say and instantly put their mind at their social page. Their mind is fused with their phone.
Lastly they create an excess of unnecessary status updates.
(Names are randomly picked)
Eric: So I was at work today, and suddenly this guy tripped, and pulled a shelf with him while he fell! it was a real mess, you should have seen it!
John (Social Zombie): .......
Eric: John?
John: ....... huh? come again?
Eric: argh, I was at work, this guy fell and it was a complete mess!
John: ......wait hold on...... this guy liked my photo.
----
Status update John: I just went to the bathroom.
Status update John: I think my curtain is wrinkled.
Status update John: Why do girls not like me?
Status update John: I can't find my phone's recharger! Life SUCKS!
Status update John: Hi
---
On the street: SZ's walk with head down, looking at smartphone, often get involved in a lethal car crash accident.
In the store: Standing in front of something you want to grab from the shelf, not moving an inch.
In the cinema: overly bright display ruins your view. SZ finds Whatsapp more important than movie (Seriously what are they doing there?)
On the bike: swaying from left to right while riding, making it unable to pass them.
Within the car: swaying from one lane to another, ignoring traffic lights, running over sane human pedestrians, delayed response.
Going out: Barely speak, easy target for thieves, blocking your path everywhere.
Eric: So I was at work today, and suddenly this guy tripped, and pulled a shelf with him while he fell! it was a real mess, you should have seen it!
John (Social Zombie): .......
Eric: John?
John: ....... huh? come again?
Eric: argh, I was at work, this guy fell and it was a complete mess!
John: ......wait hold on...... this guy liked my photo.
----
Status update John: I just went to the bathroom.
Status update John: I think my curtain is wrinkled.
Status update John: Why do girls not like me?
Status update John: I can't find my phone's recharger! Life SUCKS!
Status update John: Hi
---
On the street: SZ's walk with head down, looking at smartphone, often get involved in a lethal car crash accident.
In the store: Standing in front of something you want to grab from the shelf, not moving an inch.
In the cinema: overly bright display ruins your view. SZ finds Whatsapp more important than movie (Seriously what are they doing there?)
On the bike: swaying from left to right while riding, making it unable to pass them.
Within the car: swaying from one lane to another, ignoring traffic lights, running over sane human pedestrians, delayed response.
Going out: Barely speak, easy target for thieves, blocking your path everywhere.
Social Zombie by Argonautica June 18, 2013
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