soccer mum

A nasty mother who follows the suburban trend of being a bore, and a gossip with slightly below average IQ who wears clothing that lacks imagination. She could aid her children in their pursuit of the finer things in life such as art, music, literature and science, philosophy and gastronomy; sadly, she is ignorant of such things. In fact she has a high opinion of herself: she thinks she is a queen and is proud of her suburban attributes and accolades.

John: I saw that gossip-monger neighbour, Suzanne pulling into the Maccas drive-thru again.
Sarah: Oh yes, typical soccer mum doesn't know any better than to feed her kidsjunk and pop music.

soccer mum by jujickson June 10, 2014

Soccermom 

Soccermom
n.

Characteristics:
1. Caucasian.
2. Has no job, gets her money from successful husband.
3. Has either a minivan or an SUV.
4. Usually Christian
5. Child(ren) think they're "all that" then turn "rebel."

Appearance:
1. A (ridiculously) over-sized bag
2. One-inch heels ALL the TIME.
3. Expensive sunglasses.
4. Off-red nail polish on their toenails and fingernails.
5. Optional: Botox
6. Bad makeup.

Children?
The soccermom's child(ren) are often brought up with no free time, doing sports, dance, karate, art, theater, music, you name it. Some children do up to three or four activities a night, then do homework until about 11 at night. In school, a soccermom's child(ren) may either be a) popular, extremely bitchy, and hang out with the other popular children or b) extremely bitchy, hang out with children they know from dance, or any other of their millions after-school activities. A soccermom's child(ren) eats little for lunch, though their lunches are always 100 percent organic. During puberty, the once perfect "little angels" begin to "rebel" by...

1. Listening to a song with the word "hell" in it.

2. Wearing the same pair of Gap jeans twice.

3. Staying up past their bedtimes.

4. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend (usually this only applies to a girl, as a soccermom's daughter usually feels the need to hide her "illicit" activities from her parents)

5. Kiss this boyfriend/girlfriend... on the cheek.

6. Hug this boyfriend/girlfriend

7. Wear a little bit of makeup (like clear lip gloss.)
Also, a soccermom's children either a) grow up to be just like their parents or b) grow up to be nothing like their parents, join Peace Corps, and go live in Afghanistan.

Views:
-All video games rated T and over = pornographic, inappropriate, will kill the minds of their already vegetative children.
-All music with "cuss words" (eg, crap, hell) should be banned in America for the sake of little children (all people under age 18. Sometimes 21.)
-No alcohol whatsoever for people in college (even if they're over 21.)
-No Co-Ed housing in college. ("We can all be Soroity sisters! How does that sound, Mary Ann?")
-Heavy Metal, Grunge, Rock, Metal, Death Metal, Alternative= bad. Pop, Country= good, as long as the country is by Carrie Underwood, and even then, certain parts MUST be bleeped out.

-All little girls should be little girls. (eg, "No, Mary Ann, you can't be a dirty old mechanic when you grow up.")
-All little boys should be little boys. (eg, "No, Gary Stu, you can't be a fashion designer like Armani when you grow up.)
-Complete control over everything.
-Ban multiplayer games (eg, Runescape, Club Penguin) in their city/town because "I don't want MY little angels to be kidnapped" while their "little angels" often have secret accounts on multiplayer games.

"I'm sorry, Mary Ann can't play today. She's got jazz dance, then hip-hop dance, then we eat dinner as a family, then she's got ballet."

((As a substitute teacher in the 12th grade.))
Soccermom/Substitute Teacher: "Here, kids, while you do your work, let's listen to some Kidz Bop!"
Teenager 1: "Why not some Linkin Park?"
Teenager 2: "I know, let's listen to Aerosmith."
Teenager 3: "What about Elvis?"
Teenager 4: "I'd prefer Atreyu or Disturbed myself."
Soccermom: "NO! Those bands are useless excuses for music! They will pollute your mind! They are Satanic, for Pete's sake!"

Soccermom by Lil Miss Magic June 29, 2009

Soccermom 

An American mother living in the suburbs who spends most of her time driving her school-aged children from one athletic activity to another, often over scheduling them. Typically White, upper middle class, probably college-educated, most drive SUVs and talk on the cellphone while driving making them prone to cause traffic accidents.

Gigi is your classic Soccermom, she drives her SUV like a battle ship and I wouldn't want to be on the road next to her!

Soccermom by OneBadAsp October 21, 2006

Soccermom 

noun.

Female with a strong type A personality with a skewed sense of civic responsibility coupled with a need to enforce political correctness on to others. Usually a hypocrite.

The term soccermom was not originally disparaging. It was used to refer to a Mom who takes her children as well as other children to their little league soccer game.

Soccermoms promote the following philosophies:

- winning is not important

- soccer is good because it is non violent

- no child should feel bad if they did not play well

- trophies awarded to every child

- removal of keeping score from the game

These philosophies are enforced in the brain of the soccermom to compensate for the fact that their kid does not play the game well.

Soccermom's are usually hypocrites as evidenced below:

- are vegetarians but cooks exotic dinners for the family that require eggs, fish and poultry

- believes in equality for all (but has no problem calling the driver ahead of her a 'chink' for cutting her off)
- supports PETA (enough said)
- supports Green Peace (but drives an SUV)
- a strong supporter of recycling only when convenient (if her blue box is full, the cans go in the garbage)

The worst soccermoms are the ones that have a bumper sticker on their SUV that reads: "IM A SOCCERMOM!"

Totally opposite of a Hockeymom

Soccermoms are the prime reason of cultural erosion in North America.

Billy: Hey can your Mom give me a ride to practice?

Johnny: Sure, I'll ask, she's taking 7 other kids too

Billy: Cool, she's a Soccermom, huh? Hey, does she still make you those rye and buckwheat sandwiches?

Johnny: ya, but I just throw them out

Billy: Yeah I would too. I got a steak in my lunch today.

Johnny: damn! That's cause your mom is a Hockey mom!

Billy: Yeah, my mom sets shit straight, unlike your Soccer mom!

Johnny (sobbing): yeeah..

Soccermom by billyVandory February 19, 2010

soccermom 

A mother who is obsessed with her son's life, penis, activities, friends, school and teachers, and makes her son play soccer. If the soccermom doesn't have a son, she will instead obsess about her multiple identical daughters.
Most soccermoms now drive SUVs but until 2001, most drove Volvos. (See also: bimbo-box).
You can easily spot a soccermom on the roadways as they have a bumper sticker that reads "MONTGOMERY SOCCER" or one that reads "My Child Is An Honor Student At xxxx Middle School."
They usually live in Montgomery County - Potomac, Rockville, and sometimes
in Takoma Park. Some live in Fairfax County, Northern Virginia.
Most are MILFs or yummy mummys and are married to rich guys. Those that are fugly are married to rich guys who have unusual tastes.

"So where does Cindy Soccermom of Apple Pie, USA, fit in?" (Chicago Flame Online)

soccermom by bokonononon September 22, 2005

soccermominit

When forced to drive parent's minivan. Other drivers mistake you for a soccer mom. Also, you driving skill is significantly decreased and friends may look down their nose at you.

Elizabeth was soccermominit today because her car was in the shop.

soccermominit by Stinky Stephie March 12, 2008

soccermomlian 

Of or relating to soccer moms.

You may think your purchase of that minivan is simply practical, but others view it as soccermomlian.

soccermomlian by Steve December 10, 2003