shaft-grasper 

One who subconsciously holds a bottle with both hands as though it is an erect penis.

Russell Brand commenting on host Mika Brzezinski during an interview on MSNBC's Morning Joe: "... the way you're touching that bottle... She's grasping for the shaft! She's a shaft-grasper."

shaft-grasper by rmcanada June 20, 2013

Shaft grasper 

A shaft grasper is a woman inclined to holding on to the male organ with both hands. The shaft grasper is particularly obsessed with using the male sexual organ as some sort of symbolic status object. The longer she can hold on the better.
The shaft grasper is therefore not interested in providing relief of an ejaculatory matter, rather solely in maintaining the erect condition of the male organ and holding on for dear life. Shaft graspers are well known for gesturing their shaft grasping obsession with random objects like microphones, water bottles or other phallus like objects.
Shaft grasping is well known for causing blue balls.

Bob:"Did you see how Amy was stroking that water-bottle while talking to me?"
Tom:"Watch out bro she's definitely a shaft grasper"

Shaft grasper by fruitbeer June 19, 2013