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Throne Phone

The phone that is hung up in some hotels right next to the toilet.
"Dude, I tried calling your suite earlier but you didn't answer!"

"I couldn't answer because I was on the throne."

"Why didn't you use the throne phone then?"

throne vs. phone 

That infuriating and mysterious battle between two common household objects --- both made of white porcelain --- which causes untold headaches, especially if there's only one person in the house at the time. You know the drill --- the telephone can be "silent" for hours, yet as soon as you plop down on the toilet and are in the middle of a lengthy crap, THAT'S precisely when the 0%!$&#@ phone decides to ring, and so you have to awkwardly jam a tissue-wad up your butt and hold it there while you penguin-strut with your trousers down around your ankles all the way across the living room to grab the receiver with your messy hand, only to either (1) have the caller hang up just as you are lifting the receiver, or (2) have it be just either a telemarketer or a bill-collector who'd dialed the wrong number, anyway, or (3) have the caller be a bored/crybaby/mooching neighbor who had nothing important to say/ask, but just called to shoot the breeze, whine about his miserable life (which he could easily improve if he'd just start being more responsible/diligent), or ask for a ride, assistance with some ordinary task that he really could accomplish himself, or the loan of money/a vehicle/tools. So you'll have totally wasted your time/effort --- not to mention half a bottle of Lysol to disinfect the phone afterwards --- to answer the phone that time, when the call turned out to be non-urgent and so you could have just let the answering machine take it.
Judge: Next case --- throne vs. phone. Phone, you are hereby accused of intentionally waiting to ring until your owner goes to take a dump. How do you plead?
Phone: Guilty as charged, Your Honor, but I can't really help it... I am unable to ring if there is nobody calling, and if there is a ring-signal sent through the telephone wires, I have to ring whether I want to or not. I don't like to bother my owner anymore than he does; I'm just doing what I was designed to do; it's the inconsiderate callers who should be the real defendants here.
Judge: Good point --- case dismissed.
throne vs. phone by QuacksO November 2, 2016

sans sheriff 

Lawless use of fonts or typography, with no regard to aesthetics or legibility
I'm putting this CV straight in the bin. Written totally sans sheriff.
sans sheriff by Jamarley July 3, 2019

Breadhead 

Someone who is addicted to obtaining money and building wealth. A money addict and fanatic. Breadheads often work more than one full-time job, and some even participate in illicit activities to "obtain the bread".
A breadhead is like a crackhead, but for money instead of crack.
Breadhead by 🅱️ U S 3 4 8 March 30, 2022

Stink lines

As seen in illustrations or cartoons: Wavy, vertical lines rising above a person, place or thing. Denotes a foul odor.
"You didn't put enough stink lines on your picture of the teacher."
Stink lines by Athene Airheart March 14, 2004

schmegegge 

Yiddish slang word meaning bullshit, baloney, hogwash, nonsense, crock of shit or hot air.
I don't buy the schmegegge about Morty sleeping with Moira.
His version of the story was pure schmegegge.
The whole schmegegge was made up to get Liz a little bit of attention.
schmegegge by budsbabe February 1, 2008