We’ve always conditioned
men to maintain women—this isn’t something new. What’s different is this “maintenance” has become completely electronic for some
men, and the
men doing the “maintaining” aren’t seeing or even making an effort to see the women they are connecting with.
Men are just texting, emailing or using social media to give the impression they are checking in or they
care—in order to maintain these women.
For these
men, the definition of “maintenance” has shifted from traditional strategies like sending gifts and engaging in the occasional dinner, drinks or movie, to this incredibly convenient and empty form of communication based on text messages, emails, and social media: e-maintaining. And it is a mode of communication that isn’t even based in
reality.
Coined by Yashar Ali
Since their last
night together, Michael kept in touch with Karen on a regular basis. Every couple of weeks, Karen received a text or
email from him. The messages
always started out the same
way, “What’s up?”
Karen would
always fill him in on her life, and Michael would
always respond with the same short answer, “That’s cool.”
After one or two text messages, Michael would usually disappear. But a couple of weeks
later, he would show up again. Sometimes their conversations would go deeper—ten minutes of texting back and forth. Karen would find hope in those longer texting sessions, thinking that he was finally engaging with her.
A couple times he even texted, “We should have dinner
soon.”
But every
time Karen agreed to dinner, Michael would tell her about his really busy month at work, delaying the need to schedule a real date. Then, he would never follow up.
This faux-relationship wasn’
t going anywhere and Karen was left feeling confused and frustrated about Michael’s intentions.
But these sporadic texts weren’t even about sex. Michael never even proposed any sort of rendezvous. And Karen’s motivation was certainly not friendship. “I have enough friends,” she said.
“He’s not even trying to sleep with me, what’s the point of all this?”
I told her, “Karen you’re being e-maintained”