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matchturbate

To masturbate to the profile picture of a person on match.com.
Yeah, I went on a date with that chick once. It didn't work out, but I still matchturbate to her profile pic after I come home drunk sometimes. But then I end up reading her profile and get sad when I read the part about her dog dying, and I can't finish.
by ghuuuuuuu July 4, 2010
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matchturbate

subscribing to match.com for the sole purpose of masturbating to photos opposed to searching for a match.
Dude : I'm going home to matchturbate.

Matt : Have you found 'the one' on Match yet?
Mike: No, man...I just use that site to Matchturbate.
by vegasbite September 29, 2013
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Marchturbation

When you don't get invited to parties during march break so you spend your week masturbating.
I got a lot of needed marchturbation this week, way better than any party I could've asked for.
by RacistUrbanWhiteGirl July 22, 2016
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mathturbate

Doing math homework or writing a math portfolio (especially for IB) that is so EXCITING that you feel sexually stimulated in the process and have an orgasm once you're done.
Alan: Sorry man, I can't go see "I Am Legend" with you guys tonight because of this stupid IB HL Math Portfolio on the Koch Snowflake that I have to write...

Barzeen: Don't even bullshit me, Alan, I know you're just gonna jack off all night anyway.

Alan: Well, you're kinda right. I'm gonna mathturbate.
by aredotwice January 6, 2008
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macturbate

v. to pleasure oneself through use of an Apple product
Once Mike gets the new iPhone he's going to macturbate for a week straight.
by eponymousrhinocerous September 11, 2012
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Matturbater

A nickname for a chronic masturbator.
It is an amazing creature, known for its tendency to consistently lean to the right under the weight of its own right arm.

Is usually found in a basement, a library, hell anywhere where there is porn to access.

When not in its lair of porn, it is out wandering the mysterious environment known as `not watching porn`with extreme beadhead, greasy hair and a dark green hoodie with a broken zipper.

Also, it seems to blame the death of a computer on its siblings watching too much DBZ.
People chillin` , not knowing a matturbater is in the midst of their group: ``I`m going to fuckin pass out.``

Matturbater: (In its head) ``team america, FUCK YEAH. lol jk im gonna matturbate because there`s a computer with no password right here and not delete the history``
by DeonGGG June 28, 2010
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Mathturbation

(n.) The act of deriving equations just for the sake of deriving them, at no apparent gain to the student.
In verb form, to mathturbate is to perform such menial mathematical labor.
mathturbatory: characterized by excessive mathturbation
"The professor spent three hours deriving the equation on the board because he thought it would help us understand the concept better; really, however, he just confused us with his senseless mathturbation."

"The homework problem required hours of mathturbation, with the end result being a simple identity that appears in the index of every text."
by D. S. A. September 22, 2007
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