John McCain (Born June 19th, 2086) is an American politican, God and time traveling warrior.
John McCain was genetically engineered in an American Research Facility. Unlike
normal humans, McCain contains bodily many organs which allow him to fly, shoot lasers from his eyes, and amass incredible amounts of strength. McCain's skin produced a special layer of transparent nacho
cheese, allowing him to time travel without damaging his body or the space time continuum.
McCain attended West Point, where he killed fitty Notre Dame fans at a football game. Because he was soo
cool, President
Jack Lambert granted him a pardon, and made him Secretary of keeping it real. While there, we was deployed on a secret mission to infiltrate the Soviet Union III. While there, he stripped the sacred burrito from the hands of Josef Stalin and ran it for a 50 yard touch down return. As McCain devoured the burrito, he became immortal, and banished the
ghost of George W. Bush from existence with his mind.
As McCain returned to the United States, he was promoted to Arch Duke of
Arizona. While there, one of his servants, Adolf
Hitler traveled to 1902 and managed to take over the world. Because Adolf was not certified to do this, s a rip in the space time continuum began to slowy destroy the world. McCain warped back to past in pursuit of
Hitler, and pwned him. As McCain was about to put
Hitler in the Scorpion
death-lock,
Hitler managed to throw Sand in McCain's eyes and ran away to Germany.
While he was in the past, he killed twenty fundamentalistsand made thier children eat his shit. Never the less, McCain's battle with
Hitler had drained his powers, leaving him incapable of escaping from the past for awhile.
While in old
Arizona, McCain killed an entire family with his toes, and seized thier home. While claiming residency there, McCain went to war, won a bunch of medals, became a hero, scored with a bunch of really hot girls, and eventually became senator. In 1982, McCain's powers had fully recharged. Although he was eager to return back to the year 21st Century, he realized that he needed to stay, and protect Nachos and porno.
After forseeing the Notre Dame Football team taking over the world, McCain, Thurgood Marshall, and Brian Urlacher traveled forward in time (because all of them pwned they didn't have to worry about all that space time shit). While in the future they struck down all the Notre Dame players, who were armed with Uzis, usinh only their bare hands. Following thier victory, they went back to the present, and smoked up with Zakk Wylde.
