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Discress 

Decide you know what's best over what the intended recipient would do
Grandpa: split this change I've been saving between your two nephews

Me: it'll pretty much go to the parents so maybe I can just buy the babies something they'll like
Grandpa: no you can't discress over the funds like that because that's not the point of giving grandpa money!
Discress by Grizwaldo November 28, 2018

Damsel-in-Distressed

This is where a woman manufactures an intimate yet fake online relationship with a (usually lonely) male to con him out of money. After she sinks her claws in, she comes up with a story that her electricity and internet are about to be cut off and she won't be able to talk to him anymore. The guy believes he is a knight in shining armor coming to her rescue and wires her a few hundred dollars. Meanwhile, the grifter girl has another 6 marks on the hook who she's currently working. (The guy is distressed when he finally figures it out…)
Dude, you look like hell! What happened?

I met this really great girl over the internet. We fell in love and were planning to meet in person. But she lost her job and couldn't pay her bills. So I sent her some money to help her out but I haven't heard from her in days. I'm really worried something happened to her.

Dude! You totally got Damsel-in-Distressed!

What?

Uh, never mind.

Post Mortem Distress Birthing 

Let me guess. You saw this on a reddit post and decided to check if it was real. Its not lol
Person 1: my mother got Post Mortem Distress Birthing
Person 2: that doesnt exist u fucking idiot

dumbass in distress 

An annoying character who's only purpose is to be rescued, to the point where you just want to say, "You know what? Let the train hit 'em!"

First used by The Nostalgia Critic in his "Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress" video.
dumbass in distress by katrinahood December 1, 2013

central distressway

pun off of Central Expressway (commonly knows as just 'Caentral' or '75'), in Dallas Texas. Which is basically this huge ass expressway that almost EVERYONE in Dallas uses to get to and from somewhere so its always bumper to bumper hence the term "Central Distressway"
"dude your like 3 hours late."

"sorry man, i got caught up on central distressway"

gastrointestinal distress 

the shits
the runs
diarrhea

often caused by the consumption of large amounts of alcohol

always a good reason to skip class
i had a really bad case of gastrointestinal distress, thats why i missed the final exam...
gastrointestinal distress by drunk_ November 18, 2010