A Devout Christian Mom (DCM) is like my mom. She's the kind of mom who tries to control every aspect of her
kid's lives in fear of her religion. She won'
t admit she fears religion, but inside she probably does. She believes anyone who is
gay, believes in evolution, or thinks we should deal with climate change is a Satanist. If you're her
kid, you're screwed. She thinks spanking kids only serves to make them strong and brave. She'd prefer to give a kid a shitty religious education rather than a public
school education because, "God said so", or whatever she believes.
Normal
kid: "Aw crap, I tripped!"
Devout Christian Mom: "Did you just say CRAP!?"
Kid: "Well, yeah..."
*
Kid gets sentenced to being spanked ten times every other day*
Kid: "I can't take this! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF!"
Devout Christian Mom: "WHAT!? Come on, we're going to have you talk to the pastor. You have been playing those violent video games again!"
Kid: "We don't even have violent video games in our house!"
Devout Christian Mom: "Are you saying that I'm a fool!? More spankin's!"
*Kids gets even more depressed and hateful, and eventually kills himself*
Devout Christian Mom: "WHY DID THE
DEVIL HAVE TO MAKE MY
BABY LISTEN TO RAP
MUSIC!? Oh Ronald Reagan, PLEASE BRING MY BABY BACK!"
Reagan's ghost: "Shut up lady. My only advice for you is to get yourself spayed."
Devout Christian Mom: "Birth Control is evil! How dare you. You aren't the real Ronald Reagan, you're SATAN!"
Reagan's ghost: *Floats away in frustration*