Ted Ted

Ted is a criminal dating back to before Christ. If you see Ted call the police or run. Teds criminal record is stated below

DOB:1972-02-07

Race:Lizard

Sex:Please
Eyes:Brown
Height:7 ft 11 in

Hair:None
Weight:14 tons.
Offense or Statute
Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate Convicted:12 April 1993, 1 March 2022, 1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted: 1 March 2022

Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate

Convicted:1 January 19 BC, 28 February 1442

Offense/Statute:Rape-1st:forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Sexual Abuse 1st Degree:contact By Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Sodomy:intercourse Forcible CompulsionDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Offense/Statute:Unlawful Imprisonment-1st DegreeDate

Convicted:12 April 1993

Oh god did you hear about Mia.
No, what happened.

She’s keeping Ted Ted as a pet.
Oh god.

by Trialacrobat308 April 6, 2022

Cold as Ted Williams' Head

A state of coldness that is so completely cold, its akin to having one's head (or body) placed into a vat of liquid Nitrogen. In other words, really freaking cold!

Dude #1: Dude, did you see the weather report for this weekend?!

Dude #2: Dude, yeah man, its going to be Cold as Ted Williams' Head!
Dude #1: Dude, that's some cold fucking shit!
Dude #2: Dude.

by Closter NJ February 28, 2020

Ted Rock

A way to describe a DJ set is kickin' off "like Ted Rock", and a way to imply someone is a serial killer based on their behaviour "like Ted Rock" and also a way to suggest sexually explicit double entendres "Like a Ted Rock Touch"

Wow, this DJ is kickin' off like a Ted Rock Show
Oh, this guy is freakin' me out like Ted Rock
oooh, baby, c'mon, c'mon now touch me like Ted Rock

by ScottyScat January 21, 2021

Ted Mosby-ed

When you tell a girl you love her inappropriately soon, like on the first or second date or during a first time hook up.
Unless she is the girl from swim fan she will most likely be freaked out by this declaration of love.

"Dude I messed up last night, I brought this cutie home from the bar last night and accidentally Ted Mosby-ed her mid makeout session. She just said she had to go, as it was getting late and left."

by Dexvd February 29, 2012

Gettin' Some Ted

Arriving on the green in regulation of any given hole while playing golf. Evolved from 'being on the dance floor,' to 'you're dancin,' to 'you're Ted Dansen,' to 'Gettin' gettin' some Ted!' Best used in team play to inform your partner of your status, works best when money is invloved, and when sung to the harmony of the song "Gettin' Some (Head)" by artist Shawnna.

On a Par 5, you're partner is only within shouting distance of you. Your third shot sticks on the green, awarding you a point in your bet with the other team. You proclaim that you are 'Gettin' some Ted' while you dance around your opponent, and loud enough so your teammate in the other cart can engage in the same behavior, demoralizing your opponents.

by The Bromissioner March 3, 2010

Ted Bundy

A man who raped, stalked, and murdered 30+ women and was the first serial killer to have his trial on television.
Ted worked at a suicide hotline too, and is currently suffering in hell.

Ted Bundy is very, uh, weird.

by Ted Bundy. October 15, 2021

Ted Stevens

Shamefully ignorant and criminally insane, Ted Stevens is an Alaska senator. Too old to understand things, Ted Stevens thought the Internet was a "series of tubes." Also tried to build a $200mil bridge to a property he owned. Set phazers to steal.

Ted Stevens: aka "A series of Teds" and "The Pork King"

by author September 1, 2006