Smarmy Guy 

Latin Name: Homo Smarmus

Typically found inhabiting Eastern North America, the Homo Smarmus is a rare and distinct individual.

They tend to favor indoor habitats where microwavable meals, XBox, and online chatrooms denouncing the intelligence of others are near at hand.

Physical Appearance: A material covering with a striped pattern (Scientists currently studying Homo Smarmus are developing a theory which states that this might be some form of tribal garb) usually coloured green and poo-brown is essential. The left forelimb is permanently extended upwards, and shoulders hunched.

A unique grunt is the natural call of the Homo Smarmus. One might liken it to a cough, when broken down it sounds like "Ahhh-hack-hack-hack-hack-ughhh". However, while it is found loud and irritating to those near to the Homo Smarmus, it does not travel well, making it difficult for one Homo Smarmus to warn others about the presence of someone who has a low bullshit tolerance.

Those who have studied this species closely advise others to keep their distance as there may be longterm side effects which could potentially lead to:
sensitivity of eyes to light
stunting of growth (in children)
swelling of feet or lower legs
vomiting
headache
muscle cramps
hallucinations
mental depression
mood swings
skin rash or hives
hiccups
wounds that will not heal
increased sweating
indigestion

Please also note that these side effects are similar to those of IBD.

Student: "Oh no! Smarmy Guy is in this class, I can already feel the bile rising up in my throat and the indigestion kicking in!"

Smarmy Guy: "Ahhh-hack-hack-hack-hack-ughhhh"

Smarmy Guy by S_Fiction November 12, 2010